Today (2 years)

Today was a day two years ago that I wish I could completely forget. Things took place, events that changed the course of our family forever, that I wish I could make go away. I tried my best today to make the day good, to forget the bad, and to forge ahead. But there were moments when the memories that haunt me crept into my mind and took over.

Today is the day before Isabella's Birthday. She will be two tomorrow. I can't even believe how fast the time goes by. Today was spent with the normal daily things like cleaning, laundry and play. And also wrapping presents and putting a big chocolate cake in the fridge for Isabella's birthday tomorrow. A chocolate cake that I am not sure how I will resist eating. :)

So much healing and forgiveness has taken place. So many breaks in our family have been mended. Today was different than this day last year, or the year before, because today it was just a normal day, one without drama, one not filled with trauma and change. My daughter that had caused her internal turmoil to spew upon us all has come so far. Much farther than we ever could imagine. She has worked so hard and healed so much from the things that haunted her early childhood. Today we were able to run errands together, she applied for a job, we stopped and she had a mocha shake, and we laughed and talked all the while. We cooked dinner together and ate together and did things like just a normal Mother and daughter with a healthy normal relationship do. There is no tension, there's no expectations and there is so much gratitude on both our parts for all the people who have prayed, help and walked along side of our family during the past years.

All of things of the past years will soon end. The attachment therapy ended last week. What an accomplishment right? AMAZING. And DBT ends really soon. There won't be anymore GAL's or caseworkers, or any "team" of people helping us to steer the course of how to best parent our daughter who was so wounded because that's just not her anymore.

Do our days come without challenges?
NO.

But the challenges are much more on a normal hormonal teenager level and not anywhere near where we were in the past. We know what to look for and how to avoid things escalating, and our daughter knows how to deal with all of her emotions and feelings so maturely.

I know how blessed we are. I know that the reality of things ending so well wasn't the most likely scenario. I take each day at a time as I know that her issues are much bigger than I can even understand. And we don't waste time or take things for granted. I am enjoying my relationship with her and I know she feels that same about me, about her dad and about her siblings. What more can I ask for? Not only that but she is doing well in school, with friends and with activities. And best of all- she is for the most part- really stinking happy. I feel as if my prayers have been answered.

Friends and family...
Thank you for being there for me. For my family. For my daughter. Thank you for supporting me in helping everyone heal. Thank you for driving her to appointments when I couldn't. (Two hours each way, each week for just one of the appointments.) Thank you for supporting my desire to bring her home. Thank you for telling me that you would love me just the same if things ended differently and that you understood we had to make decisions best for our family. Thank you for praying. Thank you for telling me it will be OK. Thank you for holding my hand and thank you for not judging us. Thank you for calling to see if there is anything we need at the store because your going there and you know it might be hard for us to get out. Thank you for respite care and for hand me downs. Thank you for everything. It takes a village and we have so felt your love and grace.

And to my children...
Thank you for finding such mature understanding and grace within yourselves to forgive your sister and to use the past events as a time to reflect and figure out how to forge ahead together as one team, as one family, and to heal. Thank you for taking part in therapy and walking this walk- each and every one of you. Even our adult children came along side of us and went to therapy (out of town) when asked. That meant so much and was truly critical in bringing everyone back together. Not to mention the many trips that Leishan did with me to help care for Jude and Izzy so I could go into therapy with her sister. That meant so much to us all. xoxoxoxo