An Update of sorts.



Sophie and her little friend "E"



Sophies counselor just called with a request from Soph... she wanted to know if she could come home and spent fourth of July with her family. It breaks my heart, because of course the answer is NO. But we want her here just as much as she wants to be here. And surely holidays are even more awkward for her than they are for us. It just isn't the same not having the whole family together.

The picture above was taken about the last time that we went camping as a family. And seeing how young Soph was in that picture, you can tell that its been awhile. Like maybe even two years. That's a long time. Since Isaac learned what camping was he has been asking to go camping. So we are taking off tomorrow evening for the mother of all camping trips. My husband is in between jobs and is getting a blessed summer week off work. That is rare in his line of work so we are taking full advantage of it and getting out of here for the week.

We aren't sure where we are going, we are just going to DRIVE SOUTH until we find the perfect place. Or until the kids can't take it any longer being in the car with one another. And then we will stop, find a campground, set up tents and stay there until we are bored and want to go to the next place. The only request is that we are near a beach and its warmer than here. Those two things shouldn't be too hard to find.

Sophie isn't coming with us and that's both good and bad. She has been able to visit with several of us this week and she seems to be holding it together OK for now. The application for psych hospitalization was turned in and went through the first round of approval/denial earlier this week. Unfortunately we haven't heard which way it went. But there is a round two, then a waiting list so we don't expect anything to happen in a hurry. (Which is a bummer because we want our child to heal, not to languish in foster care. However we are understanding that everything is a process!)

We also had news this week that the first official evaluation with the attachment therapist has been approved and is scheduled for later this month. We are anxious to get started on the new therapy in hopes that we can really get somewhere with our relationship with Sophie and find her the help that she needs.

Here's to healing for us all. And tomorrow... July. Happy July. Happy days. Happy Camping.

More soon from wherever we end up.

Surprise!

 Over the weekend a surprise came in the mail. A special package from my out of town friend and her family for all of my children. Here are some of the pictures of the younger children opening their special surprises!

Izzy loves her musical giraffe. See the little boo-boo on her forehead? That's from Jude "fwapping" her in the head with a toy on her exersaucer.

We have spent days watching this fast moto fly around the house! Isaac loves his big boy toy!

And Jude has been pleasantly entertained. Which is difficult to do on most days for Robot Boy.

And last but not least... our favorite movie is getting

good use, thank you!

What a blessing friend.

And unexpected surprise that was filled

with toys and treats and ongoing fun.

Just in time for the start of summer.

Thanks again.

xoxoxoxoxo

(p.s. we will be mailing Joy her special surprise!)

Wee little update

I have only a few minutes before I need to get to bed. Its an early morning start tomorrow for appointments out of town for both Grace and AJ.

The sweet baby boy with SB who I posted about below SHOULD have his family soon. There were MANY inquiries and several families (five I think?) submitted home studies to adopt him. I can't wait to see who his family is because there are so many lovely families who would be SO wonderful for this baby. And I know this baby would bless their lives incredibly.

More soon.
Ramps. Soccer. Sunshine. Sophie. So many things to tell you all about. But for now... I go to sleep.

Urgent adoption situation!!

2 day old Caucasian baby boy born with Spina Bifida
needs a family ASAP- domestic home study approved
Must be ready to travel soon as he will be out of the hospital within the week
Healthy other than the SB and club feet
adoption fees are VERY low and at cost
email me for more information: sisters3designs@aol.com

How do you say thank you?

AJ at her graduation with her "casts"

Sometimes I wonder how to say thank you.
I am not used to asking for help. And I don't really like to. I think this is because we have taken on so much as a family and sometimes it feels like in asking for help we might be judged for taking on so much and not being able to keep up.
Last week was a long week with so many family members sick, especially the two little ones who were really sick. And I was so blessed with friends, family, and my dear neighbor stepping in to help out. Just that little phone call from her offering to do some grocery shopping for me which resulted in her running a vital errand for us meant the world to me. She is one of the most considerate people I know and I adore her. She ran that errand and had to bring her two small kiddo's along. So I know it wasn't easy for her to do. Or Lauren and her boyfriend Matt coming to the hospital two mornings in a row at 4am to take a shift with Jude so my husband and I could take care of home and work stuff... amazing. I don't know sometimes if "thank you" is really sufficient.
We have recently been given a HUGE blessing.
AJ and Isaac recently participated in Top Soccer. This is a soccer program that is for children with disabilities. Because Isaac has some significant speech issues he also qualified to go with AJ, and it was such a blast for them. While they would play soccer with their "buddy" and friends, I would sit and talk to the other Moms. I met a woman and her family who had a lot in common with our family. They also have a five year old special little one in their lives and they go to our church and they are an adoptive family! We hit it off right away and they would buy the kids cheetos and Jude loved playing and flirting with the ladies! They became my facebook friends too and read about the rampathon fundraiser.
They offered to help out with some fundraising ideas that they could do... then they realized that one of their homes already HAS a ramp that was build for their grandma and they don't need it anymore because she passed away. They said we could HAVE it! Wow. What a HUGE blessing.
Then came all the logistics... how would we move it? How would we attach it to our house? We don't really know how to build things so well... but we were sure happy to figure it out!
We mentioned something to our next door neighbor. A quiet guy and his family who moved here from Alaska. He said... "Sure I would love to help you with that project!" So we knew that he would give us some advice and let us know how to build onto the front porch a platform to attach the ramp etc. But he took it one further than that- he offered to go over and look at the ramp and help move it on his trailer. So he went with my husband to be sure that it was going to all work logistically and he was really surprised at how well it was going to all come together.
So then one day last week he stopped by and said he was going over to get the ramp "loose" off the other folks house and ready to load the next morning. My husband and I were shocked... didn't he want some help? Nope- he was just offering his time as a blessing to us and he would take the lead on getting the ramp ready to be moved. Wow. What a blessing!
The following day we had some friends and our older boys go with their dad and our neighbor to load and move the ramp to our driveway. Its a HUGE ramp. I will get some pictures and show you all soon. And then our neighbor went to the local lumber store with my husband to purchase some of the materials that they need to attach the ramp to the house. The neighbor wasn't going to allow us to pay full price so he talked to the lumber owner into giving us a rock bottom deal on the purchase. He told them about our family and the little ones who so desperately need this ramp.
Then our neighbor went home and said he would be back on Monday- when my husband was going to be at work, so that he could work on the platform without his help. Huh? What a gift! Really? He just wanted to do it on his own for us. Yesterday the platform was build, today he will add stairs and then the ramp will be added, non-skid will be applied and then we will figure out painting it all etc.
The project that was going to be about $2500 that we have been not so successfully fundraising for is now only going to cost a couple hundred dollars and is going to be completed in record timing.
How do you say thank you?
I am not sure.
Thank you just doesn't seem enough. What a blessing.

Breathing and lots of updates!

AJ and her friend Sammy

Jude is now home from the hospital. He is on lots of steroids and other meds and is GROUCHY. Jude typically can be a very demanding 2 year old, now he is an extra specially demanding 2 year old! (Can anyone say Roid Rage?) This does make me feel better though (even though he gives me a headache with his demands)- because I know he must be feeling better or else he wouldn't be able to be quote so ornery!

Izzy had a chest x-ray the other day. That sure is traumatic seeing a little baby get a chest x-ray. Have you seen it happen before? It looks a little something like THIS. It was very sad to see Izzy put inside that contraption! The good news is that she does NOT have pneumonia. The bad news is that she does have bronchitis and also needs round the clock breathing treatments (saline not steroid)- which have helped. She goes back to the doctor today for a re-check. She doesn't sound better, but not worse either.

I am also sick with this nasty cold, as is my hubby, and Cole, Grace, AJ, and Lulu. Today my hubby is taking off again to give some extra help at home and Cole is also home sick. The others sucked it up to get to school today. It's AJ's preschool graduation so she surely wouldn't want to miss that!!

I wanted to update you about a few situations that are really heavy on my heart...
Remember Raul? If you read the Medical Advocacy Team blog you might remember this little guy from Romania that needed to come to the US for medical care. He has been waiting now for a year and one of our super duper wonderful volunteers who has met Raul in person took his case under her wing and advocated for him for an entire YEAR. Finally he has approval to be able to come to the US. And she is raising funds for his plane ticket. Check out more about him HERE. He has EB which is one of the most horrific diseases ever. I am so happy that he is finally going to get the medical care that he needs. So if you have some extra pennies sitting around donate to his wonderful cause and his plane ticket!

My dear friend Hilary is going through a really hard time. Will you pray for her? Please also pray for her sweet Baby K. who may be moved from her loving home, the only home she has ever known. Please pray that the people who can advocate for Baby K. step up and do the right thing for her and this wonderful friend of mine. They really aren't thinking in Baby K's best interest at this point and its just so painful to know what may happen to this sweet baby if they move her and put her through more change in her innocent little life. We need all the prayer warriors we can get on Baby K's team! Hilary is one of the wonderful Mommies that is going to be in Orlando with me. Speaking of the Trauma Mommas get away to Orlando...

I am walking 500 miles in an effort to help fund raise for the women who need to go to Orlando but otherwise wouldn't be able to afford to go. If you look at the bottom of this page you can see how far I have already made it. This week has definitely thrown a wrench in the plans with being sick and having sick babies. But I am sure to get back on the walking/swimming/elliptical asap to get my miles in. If you want to get involved in helping make it possible for Moms in need to get a break at this retreat, please take a minute to read this post and here how you might be able to donate an item for the cause. Read about The Christmas in July silent auction HERE! And if you don't have something to donate maybe you want to do some shopping in the silent auction! :)

Thanks all.

Breathe- update 1

So... yesterday was the fact finding hearing for S's dependency with DSHS. I actually drove S. to the hearing which was a bit strange- but OK. My husbands attorney wasn't able to be there because of a serious family emergency. Her twin baby girls were born SERIOUSLY premature (both under 2 lbs) over the weekend. So please keep her, her partner and the newborns in your prayers! So since she wasn't there (understandably so), my husbands part of the case got continued to a later date. I agreed to the dependency and they agreed to take off the "abandonment" part of the dependency which was what we had an issue with. Things are moving forward for S. to be able to get an in depth neuro psych evaluation and go to attachment therapy (2 hours away) with me once a week with a fabulous attachment therapist. The CLIP (for in patient treatment) application still is not finished but we are hoping it gets done this week! So all in all, things are going as planned. It was just a hard day emotionally. No one wants to agree to send their child into a dependency, what a suck suck suck situation it is.

Jude woke up a little sick and quickly went downhill. When his OT arrived at 11am, he was really tired, feverish and very wheezy. I had been giving him breathing treatments and gave him a dose of prednisone which usually helps things get better faster. I left for court in the afternoon and when I got home I knew that we were headed down a bad road with his breathing and that he was going to end up at the ER. He definitely had pneumonia. And sure enough, the xray showed pneumonia. They have admitted Jude into the hospital because he is having such a hard time breathing. They had a heck of a time trying to get blood and an IV started and after many pokes (five total) they gave up. I felt terrible for him screaming and crying that he wants to go home and doesn't want to be there. Even through his lethargy and misery he still had enough fight in him to get his point across!

I am thankful for Lauren and her guy Matt who came to the hospital at 4am to relieve Robert and I. Robert had to drive two hours (on no sleep) to drop off a pump at his job before he could come home and I needed to get Izzy home because she is sick too! Izzy is miserable, croupy cough, and going to the doctor shortly before we head back to the hospital to be with Jude.

Did I mention that AJ started serial casting last Friday? Yep...so she has both legs in casts. Not a good time for her Mom and Dad to be so busy with other sick kids and not have time to give her the TLC she needs!

Please keep praying. We are tired and need to catch a break soon... all of us!

Can't Breathe

Its been a la la la long week.

I can hardly breathe.

Jude seriously can hardly breathe.

And we are leaving in a few moments to take him to the ER.

(Pneumonia? possibly... poor buddy.)

Court today for Sophie- update soon.

Izzy is sick too.

Pray for Jude and for us all.

More soon.

Isabella 4.1

 Sweet Isabella

Your four months and one week old now

and you are nothing short of amazing

The way that you concentrate so hard when

trying to push yourself up

and the way that you can roll from back to front

but not front to back

and how determined you are to

not spend too much time on your tummy

(you hate tummy time)

Your happiest when being held

and when your nursing

sometimes mid feeding you

can't keep your latch

because your too busy smiling

and giggling

Speaking of giggling

your very ticklish

and love to laugh laugh laugh

We all sing a song to you that goes

"I love love love love love my Izzy

love love love love love my Izzy

Love my Izzy Boo!"

The faster we sing the louder

you belly laugh!

From your nose to your tiny little perfect toes

you are everything

Such a miracle and a blessing

and we can't get enough of you

You are love.



Stolen

 Hey Honey

Please don't let her steal your spirit away

please learn to RAI (Rise Above It)

Do not let her take one more moment away

of your life, or your joy, or of your love of

your other children.

You need to find a way to find that

comfortable place back in this family...

even when things feel so off.

 We are so blessed by this beautiful new life

and have spent the past four months of her life

fighting, praying, begging, confused

lets stop.

Right now.

And turn it all over to Him.

I know that life will never be the same

I can't even imagine being the one at the end

of hateful, gross, accusations

But please know

you don't have to hang your head

you are so loved

and you are trustworthy

and you are MORE than enough

for me and for ALL of your children

The start of stealing back

the stolen days is here.

I love you.

It makes me sick

I wish that I could find a way to find more balance in my brain this week. Mid week I had a visit with S. and a meeting at Children's Services with the attorneys to try to come up with a short and long term plan for helping S.
I admit that I experienced an extreme amount of anxiety about the visit with S. and not much about the meeting. Really you should be feeling MORE anxiety about that type of meeting than a visit with the therapist and your own child. That would be NORMAL. But as of late...or as of the past YEARS there hasn't really been anything normal about this parent child relationship.
I was thankful that my dear friend came with Izzy and I because if she hadn't, I am not sure that I would make it to the visit. S. played a swift last minute lie to me and her therapist so she was able to con me into giving her a ride from school to the visit. She told me that her therapist never called her to give her a ride, and she told the therapist that I had wanted to take her so she wouldn't need to be picking her up. Still this late in the game we are all falling for her antics. Pretty pathetic huh?
The visit was awkward at best. S. had written me a note that had some true undertones somewhere in it of missing me and missing some of her siblings. And I wanted so badly to want her. I wanted so badly to not feel weird about seeing her. I tried to force it and couldn't even muster up a tear. I know this makes me sound like the most hateful person but I am fairly certain I am now experiencing PTSD because of what she has put me through, and her siblings and especially her father. I had extreme fear about taking Izzy to the visit because I am not sure what S. is capable of and kept visualizing her hurting her. This isn't a fun mental place to be where you see things like this happen over and over between your beloved teenage daughter and your new baby. So again, I was so thankful for my friend who could come and reassure me that she would protect the baby.
In therapy we talked a little about the allegations and how we are all still trying to figure out if the allegations Sophie continues to make and that continue to grow bigger are a result of her past abuse and she is having PTSD. My husband is her trigger, as well as other men at times, and she sees things happening that aren't happening. We have seen her be disassociative before, and they do believe she is delusional. So does she really see things happen?
Or is this RAD. And does she know she is lying. And is she doing this intentionally. She has always had it out for her dad. Choking herself in front of all of us on the floor yelling "stop it dad" when he wasn't even within 20 feet of her. Saying that he says things to her, or pushes her when no one is looking. And now this the allegations of him victimizing other children so terribly. They have grown and continued to change over the past weeks that she has been in foster care to grow bigger and more elaborate. SO is this more hallucinations that she is having when she isn't even seeing him at all? I think not.
Controlled delusions seem unlikely.
I may eventually eat my words but I do lean towards her being completely NOT delusional and putting on a good show for everyone. I just don't know that its possible to be selectively delusional and psychotic. And all of her behaviors are things seen with Reactive Attachment Disorder regularly. And frankly, I am super pissed.
It makes me sick that she continues to lie and continues to add details and amp up the story of the 22 hours back at home that we thought was going so well to include things about her dad looking at her chest when he came to get her at the airport and she kept having to adjust her shirt because he wouldn't stop staring at her. That he was touching himself in the car on the way home with her, Lulu and AJ in the car. It went from once, to now the entire way home him pleasuring himself at the mere sight of her and the other little girls. And then the whopper of him holding the baby while touching himself in front of everyone, and we, all liars, not admitting that this is happening when he is doing it right in front of all of us.

What the hell?
Really?

And how there are now more people involved in this process, her GAL (Guardian at lit em) who she can con and lie to and manipulate to being on her side. Just that one justification of her lies, just that one person who acknowledges her feelings gives her all the control and power that she needs.

And here I sit fearful to be honest on my blog and honest with people outside of our close friends, family and support system because I would never want my family nor my husband judged in this way. He is an incredible amazing man and has died inside because of the things his little girl has said about him. The way she threw any inkling of a relationship with him away to put him under the bus and try to rip apart our marriage and our entire family. But I don't much care if you choose to judge us, because I want to be honest with you about how RAD can destroy families and lives. And to help people know to be prepared of what might happen!

On a much happier note...what has happened over the past six months is that I have been amazed and blessed by the love for my family. In the midst of the ugly allegations (even just days post the first investigation being closed), I was called by a dear friend asking if my husband and I would be guardians to her three little girls should something terrible happen to her and her husband. What this friend did for me was to let me know that she loves us unconditionally and she believes in us. And we are were so honored to tell her yes and we were so blessed by families love of us and our family during our darkest days.

But still there is nothing more messed up than this nightmare. Truly, I can't think of something to make me sicker in the grossest creep ed out way. And the other off part of it all is S. having an apparent infatuation with one of her male teachers that she continuously talks about and write poetry for. (The school has been warned and is well aware, don't worry.) But this man is such an amazing, gentle man, and as long as he shows S. positive feedback she will continue to inappropriately attach to him. She even refers to herself as "his little writer" and the only time I saw her smile during our visit was when she talked about him and how she plans to give him a BIG HUG when he returns to school today. Gross, so off. The whole thing.

The good things that came out of our meeting were...
1. S. will finally be getting a neuro psych eval
2. The CLIP application for in patient psychiatric treatment is almost done (will take months for approval and to "get a bed")
3. S. will be ending her CHAP (children's hospital alternative program) here soon because her ONE YEAR is almost up without much improvement unfortunately
4. The department will help to get S. into attachment therapy with an amazing therapist, the only issue is that its a two hour drive each way once a week- but this might HELP her in the meantime while we are waiting on CLIP (and I will be taking her)
5. They are going to move her to a less chaotic foster home (where she is now are 6 girls with very big issues)
6. I felt listened to, I felt that everyone is on the same page, and that everyone is truly trying to help S. It felt encouraging

Did I mention the best news of all.... I am going to ETAAM!!!!

Please continue to pray.