These days are filled with love. The kind of love that lingers on like sweet baby kisses.
These days are filled with cookie baking, package wrapping, and gift giving.
These days are filled with heartache and woes. With prayer on our knees for better days ahead. For finding hope once again, or for being able to move on FREE from burdens.
These days are filled with voice raised phone calls to many people who don't seem to get it. To get what its like to have to fight so hard sometimes for whats right for my children. For all of them. That don't get what its like to truly have so much weight of the world to carry on my shoulders all.at.the.same.time.
These days are filled with blessings. Treats in the mail from good friends. Cards full of love. Boxes of groceries dropped off at my doorstep SURPRISE. And enjoying having Leishan back at home full time. Loving seeing the amazing young woman she is and excited for her future. (She starts back at college in TWO weeks.)
And days like these filled with dark clouds that hang over my smiling face. That don't want me to enjoy and live in every minute. That make me want to run away. To hide them all under my momma bird wings and to fly this coop. To tell my man whom I adore that we might need a new place, a fresh start, to really be able to survive this. Its like old Sarah creeping back, the one who wants to run run run. And I need to breathe and tell myself that we can endure. Keep praying.
Days like this are filled with pride for my children. Even those that don't want to attend school any longer because of the hateful things that their sick in the head sister has said about them. And that one who has spent most of the week sleepless helping others all week, doing volunteer work, keeping her grades up, and is just a joy. Proud to be a momma and see how much light my children shine on others and how FULL they make me.
Prayers that these days can become all good. All righteous. And without heartache and hatred. Sometimes its difficult to talk about things on this blog. Because if I shared all that we deal with, your heads would spin. The lies that she has told this time are what might just be unforgivable. How long must we live under the cloud of her illness? We have endured far too long already.
7 comments:
I can relate to much of the hurt and pain you are walking through. You have some hurts that I don't ... I have some hurts that you don't ... but we have both seen WAY. TO. MUCH. pain this year. I am so ready to be DONE with 2011, and can only hope and pray that 2012 brings a FRESH START for both of our families.
Oh how many days I want to RUN from the pain ...
Oh how many nights I cry myself to sleep ...
Oh how many times I cry out to the Lord and say, "How much more, Lord? How much more can I take?"
I am so DONE with RAD.
I am so DONE with GOSSIP.
I am so DONE with DISRESPECT.
I am so DONE with unemployment and the FEAR that it brings.
LOVING you ... PRAYING for you ... HUGS from afar ...
Laurel
another mama of many
another mama of RAD
another mama in pain
another mama crying out for HOPE for our future
I am so sorry for what you are going through. I have no advice. I just hope something gives for you. I hope people start listening.
Lots of support heading your way. This year saw our family painfully deal with substance abuse and mental illness. To the point I didn't think I could breathe. I read your posts and although our issues are different oh how I shared your mommy pain.
I swear during our time with S I would listen to Tom Petty's 'You don't know how it feels' over again - NO body 'got' it except fellow RAD families.
RAD is unbelievable - it just sucks everything from life and is beyond isolating - call me anytime. I'll believe.
Love you.
What Laurel said :-) Ditto
Praying with you as you breathe.
"just do the next thing" was the advice I was given once. It works. The worst thing I could do was do nothing, then my mind would spin and the lies of the enemy would come in.
You are doing a good job.
They did not see thebeautiful grass lawn that Gettysburg is now, in the midst of the raging war.
So Sorry for what your family is enduring. You know, for the kids, a move might be right, if one or some are having trouble going to school because of what was said. Adults can be strong and carry on, but kids are more vulnerable. Praying these circumstances do not change your childs view of ---self permanently. Distance might be good, with either party moving. While I hate to say that you may have to give this one up, as hard as it is, you sound like you do need to take a break, 6 months or more and heal your family. Blessings and Hope for the new year.
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