Magical places

(The cooks house)

My husband is so blessed to be working at

one of the most magical places in our area.

The city bought this amazing property for a

park... and ultimately to save it from being

bought by developers who would have made

this gem of a place into a housing development.

If you have been reading this blog for awhile-

you might remember that we lost our

"farm" to developers. It was in Ohio and

was a tragic time in our lives.

You can read more about it HERE.

So when I heard about my husbands

current project. I knew that I just had to

get there as soon as possible to see what

all this hub bub was about.

(Main house with magical tree)
On Saturday (even though the park is closed)
we were able to visit to take some pictures.
And then had a lunch date together
(my husband and I)

What I found at this place was MAGIC.
This awe inspiring soul filled feeling that
you are blessed just to be there.
That's how our farm in Ohio was.
Magical.



This is the view from the property
(The Bay)

(Hen House now made into an empty residence)

My husband said that each day he works here

even though its 10-12 hours a day- feels like

two hours because its so beautiful the time

just goes by fast.

(Historic barn- 3 levels with apartment up)

Once the park opens I will definitely be back

to see the inside of the buildings because

peeking in the windows was just NOT enough!

looking down to private beach

(trail up to new lookout being built)
At the top of this hill is where a

brunt of the work is being done

building a new look out.

There are hiking trails all over the

property- and the continuous view

is AMAZING!

Outside the main house

Boat house on the water down below

The brown cottage to the left was the Cow Mans

cottage, then you see the barn from the other side

with the main house up above.

(Its pretty huge. Even the Cooks house was good

sized- so basically five residences in all)

Back of the Main House

Oh the things I could do here.

And the room to roam for many

children! Someday we will have

a real property with land again.

(Likely not a mil. property on the water-

but something just as wonderful for sure!)

(Hen House)

What a magical place.

To spend the lovely weekend sunny day.

Enjoying the view-

and the company too.

Lost my mind and peed

I just got home from my doctors appointment. It was supposed to be last week. However, we were a week late because last week he was delivering a baby and couldn't be there. I was understanding. :)
I had to remember to pick up prescriptions there for two of my children and remember my insurance cards and remember to drink enough water because once I get there they always have me do that pregnant lady has to pee in the cup at each visit thing.
So I checked in, gave over my insurance cards, went to the back room desk for the prescriptions, got side tracked and chatted with the doctor and secretary for a few minutes, then went back to do the obligatory pee. I grabbed the container out of the "pee container holder" and wrote my name on it. I put the container on the railing next to the toilet and pulled my pants down, sat and peed.
I completely spaced out for a minute that "gosh it feels like there is something I am supposed to be doing." And then I drew a blank and was like... "oh sh*t." I peed and forgot the cup. I spent the next 10 minutes holding the cup under my who-ha dreaming of Niagara Falls and running the sink in hopes that I could find a dribble.
Nada.
So I got to tell the nurse and doctor about forgetting the cup.
Awesome.
But I could barely tell them because I was laughing so hard.
I do apparently find myself that funny.

Peanut sounds good, looks good, all is going well. Nothing newsy.
No ultrasound to determine sex for three more weeks.
I am trying to be a patient patient.

Off to sneak out for lunch with hubby- he is off work today. Love it!

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner!

Thanks for your help Dom and Sophie.

(Sophie has a new back to school Hair Cut-

which looks ADORABLE.)

Sophie picked (randomly)

HILARY

to win the $60 Gift certificate.

Whoohoooo!

(I will email the info to you soon!)

Thanks to all who entered.

And congratulations Hilary.

Have fun shopping.

(200+ stores... yipppeeee!)

Grace and Mercy and other stuff...

(all photos in this post were taken by Grace, 13)

Grace got a call last week when she was feeling under the weather- she got whatever stomach bug it was that I had. The call was asking her to come and play goalie for the select soccer team for our county. Grace had thought about "trying out" for this team last Spring but because my husband was laid off, and the price is high- there was just no way we could spring it. So Grace was really excited at the chance to get to go and practice with the team, and to play goalkeeper- even though she was not feeling 100%. At the last minute she grabbed her gear and her Aunt Nina dropped her off at the soccer fields in the town next to ours.

And so it is that she played well and showed lots of potential. They asked her to join the team and she instantly explained that there was no way she could play without a scholarship. Well they offered the scholarship to her and now the rest is history! Grace and I will go later today to buy her goalkeeper uniform and gloves- who knew they could cost so much? But her initial registration fee will be covered by the scholarship. I am really excited at the chance for Grace to get to play select soccer and especially because her coach also works with the high school girls goalkeeper and trains her- so Grace will get some extra special training. This girl has no fear when it comes to sports- thus the big potential to do well when a large ball is flying at you and you need to dive for it. :)
Grace was already signed up for recreational soccer this fall so her entire life will be consumed by soccer. She is a bit worried about missing out on youth group at church and worried her friends won't understand if she doesn't have much time to spend with them- but I assured her that she would have SOME time here and there and this commitment will really keep her away from the boys- so I am ALL FOR IT! Even if it means scraping together money here and there for tournament fees and travel money for games.

Today we also have back to school haircuts and shoe shopping to do with the older kids. I am already done with the supply part and the book bags are now already packed. The kids don't go back here for two more weeks... yes- I admit to being a bit eager! :)

Everyone will be in school this year other than Joy and Isaac- who will be home schooled. Jude is also home of course and Angeline goes to PM preschool four afternoons a week. Then after school will be spent moving kids from one place to another we have four children in recreational soccer, Graces select soccer, three in swim classes, and David is assistant coaching Joys soccer team. How sweet a brother is he to offer to do that? He is even excited about it! Gotta love a 16 year old who still see the value of spending time with their younger siblings.

Do you have some extra time to pray for a friend this week?

If so- please please pray for my friend Kim and her daughter Mercy.

Kim has been in Africa for a week now and is hoping to be able to get a court date soon to finalize her daughters adoption and get her home. You see- Mercy has some pretty serious medical issues that need attended to SOON. Kim is blessed with a very capable husband and mother in law who are holding down the fort at home with the other five children. I know how hard it will be if Kim has to leave Africa without her daughter so they need that court date SOON. Please keep them in your prayers. Pray for Mercy!

(cousin Zoe, Grace and David)

Yes this post could have been three.

Below is Lauren and her boyfriend Matt.

They are in crazy love.

Lauren left yesterday for Hawaii.

Lucky girl.
She will be gone for several weeks.

She took a shuttle to the airport.

It added three hours onto the trip.

This was her first big trip by herself.

We were all worried.

And guess what happened?

Our neighbor and friend just so happened to

be her shuttle bus driver.

What a God send!

We miss her but know she is

having an awesome time already.

This is her first time meeting her

biological Moms side of her family.

(Her Grandma, Aunt and Cousins!)

I am doing the random drawing soon.

Don't forget to enter!

HERE

Hoping to adopt?

Are you hoping to adopt? Or even just looking for more information? Well my fabulous sister/horse trainer/retired attorney is now wearing a NEW hat. She is working as a case manager for an adoption agency that works all over the USA with families waiting for children.

A couple weeks ago I helped put together a new blog for them- which you can view here.
They have many waiting children all over the world including some adorable younger toddlers and preschoolers in Ethiopia that I know my sister would love to see find families soon!

Also exciting is a new grant program I wanted to be sure to share about... HERE. This program is for families hoping to adopt from India and is through the M. Knight Shyamalan Foundation. What an amazing program to help families seeking adoption in India.

So check out Children's House International- and feel free to email for more information! They also do domestic adoptions!!

Moments in Parenting

This week has been filled with so many parenting moments I thought I would share a few. Some are proud, others are frightening. Enjoy!

I played an intensive Connect Four tournament with the younger children. I actually got excited when I won even if it was against the six year old. Yes- this is apparently what life has come to for me- winning even against little six year old children gives me enjoyment. Sophie was the only one in the under 12 crowd who could beat me at Connect Four. She had mad strategy skills.

All of my older children (Lauren, David, Cole and Grace) went to the county fair with friends this week. Grace came home and told me about "the hot carni guy" she saw. And then mentioned something about him even having "white teeth". Grace won't be allowed to leave the house for a long time, not to worry.

I took Angeline and Lulu out shopping one morning for some time with "alone" with Mom. Angeline needed a back up pair of glasses for school so we went to my most favorite place (not) in the world- Walmart for a $35 pair. We waited over an hour for someone to take our 5 minute order. And while we waited the noise level of Angeline and Lulu intensified. At first I was telling them to "stop" or "please use indoor voices"- then as the wait time got longer I stopped asking them to be quiet... and even let them sing a little song that they made up which goes a little like this: "peanut butter, peanut butter, peanut butter, peanut butter, peanut butter, PEANUT BUTTER, PEANUT BUUUTTTTER" and so on. As the noise level increased I watched the employees speed about and no longer able to ignore that we were sitting there waiting. I felt badly that I didn't force them into submission and silence- but frankly- that was a long time for two children to wait. And it might have even worked to helped get us out of there even faster.

We had two schools supply items to pick up while at Walmart because we couldn't find them other places. So after the eye glass order was taken we raced over to the school supply items and just so happen to pass the decorative folders along the way. Angeline saw Justin Bieber (whom we affectionately refer to as Justin Beaver). The Justin Beaver folder was "so beautiful mom" and "I love Justin Beaver" and "I need this for school" and when I gently tried to suggest that she find something "better" like Dora- she cried- "no Mom please let me have Justin Beaver."

I don't know what is worse- a 13 year old looking at "hot carni guys" or a 4 year old "in love with Justin Beaver"?

Sophie and I attended her intake meeting for this new program she is attending. Sophie waited outside of the meeting with another therapist while we talked about some of her needs and goals. Then she was brought into the room with the group of us so that she could share her feelings. I had already laid down the feelings about respite care for Sophie and how respite with strangers proved to be a bad option for Sophie. She had massive anxiety the days before and after the respite care. As soon as we talked and I told her that she was only doing respite with family/friends it was like a weight was lifted off her chest. She has really done well the rest of the week. But in order to be a part of this program, respite care is a requirement, and the funding works so that you need to use one of their respite providers. Well that just isn't an option for us and I explained that to everyone the day before. Then I still had some people during the meeting suggest that maybe "later on" we would consider doing just a couple hours of respite here and there. I let them keep saying that, and keep going on and on about it, and then finally said "I wanted to let you know something about me. When I make my mind up about something, I really make my mind up. No amount of leaving the door open or coercion will make me change my mind. And frankly, it irritates me and makes me angry." I was really proud of myself for speaking up calmly about this and hopefully it will be a non issue from here on out.

The biggest blessing of the meeting is that Sophies new therapist really is the best possible person to work with her right now. A big desire that we have is for Sophie is have as normal a life as possible and that includes getting back to public school. Her new therapist was formerly a middle school counselor and then had her own practice for many years where she worked on social, peer and education issues for students with behavior or other special needs. So she is exactly the person we need to help us get Sophie back to school and in a good place with her education. So each week right now she will see: Play therapist/EMDR, regular therapist and the case manager. Then every three months we all meet with the psychiatrist to adjust medication or review how things are going. I am happy with everything at the moment.

Sophie and I celebrated her intake meeting and positive outlook on her future with a special lunch out for the two of us, and then some shopping at her favorite book store where she picked out a book to read with her therapist in the upcoming months. (Flowers in the Attic)

Its great to have David, Cole, Dominick and Lulu home but I definitely didn't remember how busy I am. Things were pretty quiet for a couple weeks there! Everyone is going to school this year except for Joy and Isaac. Lauren will be home for three days per week and at college two days per week- she is a senior this year. (For her 2nd year so she can get another year of free college in high school!) Most of the back to school shopping is done with the exception of new school shoes for the older kids. All in all- its been a good week with several ups and several downs. As life is naturally right?

Please don't forget to enter to win the $60 gift certificate! A winner will be drawn in a few days.

Angeline asked...

Angeline was deep in thought last night and she patted my belly and said...

"Mom, what happens if YOUR baby gets adopted?"

I explained to her that God's plan for Peanut is that he/she is going to stay a part of our family. Just as God's plan was for Angeline to be a part of our family- the only difference is that Peanut is growing in my belly- and Angeline grew in my heart.

She seemed to think that the explanation was a bit lacking in information.

But she accepted it anyhow.

I love how her little sweet mind works. :)

Home... Baptism

Yesterday four of our children got home

after being in Ohio visiting family

for a month. We missed them SO much.

We went from the airport (2 hours)

to the lake... where

we got baptized.

(Myself, Cole, David and Robert)

There were 170 people from our church

getting baptized. It was such a HOT day.

It was so beautiful and just perfect

to be baptized. (above is me getting dunked :)

Here is Cole post baptism.

(hugging Scott- youth pastor)

David being baptized by the

high school leader.

My husband being baptized by
one of the pastors who also
happens to be an adoptive Dad.
(we all got to choose who did
our baptisms and all made those
specific choices for different reasons)

There were about 600 people in attendance of the
170 people getting baptized.
It was an awesome day.
Truly unforgettable.
And I am so proud of my three guys.
We had all been baptized as babies...
but making this re-commitment to
our faith was in perfect timing.

Joy was just smitten that her big brothers
are home. (and Lulu is now too!)


And we picked up Sophie on the way there...
she had been at Respite for the weekend.
We are still trying to "regulate" her
feelings and emotions... and praying she snaps
out of it soon. She is all over the place
with her reactions, behaviors, and how she is feeling.
Not rested, but rejected. :(
And no- we won't be doing
respite again anytime soon.
(Unless its with Aunt Nina.)

Please pray for my friend.
She leaves today for Africa
to try to bring her little girl home.

Days of Our Lives

I am OK!
sorry for taking so long to post and i am sorry if i caused any worry or concern :)

I am still not sure what happened. If it was my gall bladder, or food poisoning or just something "going around". None of the kids got sick yet- (Praise God). My stomach certainly is still not 100% and I am just sticking to eating a really bland safe diet for awhile!! I have never had such a strange love affair with Popsicles as I do now. I see the doctor next week... and sooner if the pain starts again!

So other than trying to lay as low as possible we have been dealing with Sophie having some behaviors this week. I think that having many days together last week in a hotel then transitioning back to home, her anxiety about the new program she is in for her mental health starting, her respite care starting this weekend (she goes two weekends a month), and her also adjusting to knowing that her four siblings come home this weekend... is all taking its toll on her emotions. (As I would expect it to.) But the difficult and frustrating part is that she doesn't or can't verbalize this... so it comes out appearing like terrible bad behaviors and temper tantrums. Every reaction she has is like the end of the world and nothing seems in balance. I try desperately to talk to her about how she feels and she gives me "its OK" kind of answers. Then yesterday she verbalized to me that she is NOT thinking about "things" with the new program and the respite because its easier NOT to think about them. This one statement was a set of sentences that showed her true self and was so rare it made me cry for her. Because I know exactly how she pushes all her feelings aside and they come out in all the wrong ways!

So everyone... well especially Lauren is really agitated with Sophie at the moment. There is a clear misunderstanding of Sophie and what is "bad behavior" and what is "mental health issue". To me they are one and the same- is Soph didn't have the mental health issues she wouldn't have the behaviors. Who would choose to live like this? But Sophie took some anger out on Lauren this week and instead of being able to express herself appropriately and verbally (even spewed as teenage angst)- Sophie destroyed some of Laurens things. This has been an ongoing issue for Sophie to get mad at her two roommates (Grace and Lauren) and ruin things of theirs. Things that CAN NOT be replaced. Like photographs... of loved ones who passed or family members when they were babies. Its hurtful... I understand completely.

So what do I do? We have a storage room we could convert to a bedroom for Sophie?? But the girls both feel that they would be upset if she was allowed to have her OWN room when no one else does and that wouldn't be fair. Do I have locks on the doors to their bedroom (its a large room with two doors). Perhaps just Grace and Lauren be allowed to have the key and Sophie isn't allowed in without one of them? Or do I have Sophie earn money to buy each of the girls a lock box to put their most prized possessions in? What would be fair? I am not sure.

All I know is that something needs to give... we have spent well over a year trying to get Sophie to have different coping mechanisms for her feelings and behavior. She has been given tools, therapy, worksheets, programs, etc. nothing seems to be working. I know we are at the mark where we have six months to make or break the relationship with Sophie. (Here in our state children dictate health care decisions at age 13. So its all possible in 6 months she may not consent to her own treatment- the pressure is on!)

I am so thankful that I have other Moms who have children with RAD/mental health issues who understand how life is on a day to day basis. How some days that Momma love and the ebb and flow of normal life just make it all seem so doable. And other days- like today- you go to bed in tears because no matter what choice you make someone loses. If you defend the child with RAD you confirm to them that you love them and will advocate for them, and the other child resents you and feels you make excuses and says things like "we are tired of living this way- its not fair to the rest of us." And frankly- its not fair! Its not fair to ANYONE, it wasn't fair to HER the genetics, the choices, the life, the suffering, the abuse that she has dealt with- nothing is FAIR.

I don't want to give up- but I do feel the looming end is near. I must be honest... with that birthday just months away, change being slow and inconsistent, and me chasing her today with Joy in tow to get her to come back to the building where her play therapy takes place (she was mad and "took off") and my threatening to call the police and being stern with her, causing a few onlookers was the ONLY way to get her to come back and not have to call the police. We weren't in our town and she didn't even know where she was going but was so livid I thought she might jump out the car door on the way there. All the while little Joy was in the car listening to her screaming... and Joy is healing too- this was scary to her and she kept saying "I am behaving Mom aren't I?" for that little bit of reassurance she wanted to offer me and for me to offer her.

I want balance back. I don't know that she will ever have balance. Ever. This is tough.

Any advice on the destroying the roomies things would be appreciated if there are other moms out there who have had this experience before. Sorry to ramble... its after midnight and I have been up since 6am!

So sick

At dinnertime last night I started feeling nauseated and decided that I would lay low as much as possible in hope that it would pass. I hate some ginger ale and saltine crackers and tried not to toss and turn as much as possible when I was falling asleep. Lauren got me a triple bagged "puke bucket" for next to the bed and offered to sleep upstairs on the couch so that there was someone close should I need her. (My hubby is gone at night this week working overnights two hours away.)

So at about 2am I woke up with gut retching pain... burning stabbing stomach pains that wouldn't let up no matter how much I changed positions or rubbed my belly. At 3am the vomiting started and Jude and Angeline both were awoken by the noise... :(

I called the doctor this morning and my husband went and picked up some Gatorade and anti nausea pills at the pharmacy. There was nothing that they would OK me to take for the pains in my stomach. (Which after spending the day in bed taking teaspoon at a time Gatorade I still have horrendous cramping in my stomach.)

Whats the deal? No one else is sick.
Did I get food poisoning? I haven't eaten anything "different" in the past two days so I am just not sure what is going on. I don't think that if it was morning sickness I would be in any pain like this right? Is this the stomach flu and no one else has gotten it yet?

I am really thankful that my hubby went without much sleep today and my "big" girls stepped in to help so that I could rest.... I just want the pain part to be over- please pray!

First Pic of Peanut

And... this was the BEST shot.

I know?

Not so good.

Can't wait for the 18-20 week pictures. :)

Mini Holiday

So plans are always changing fast around here and because my husband didn't end up getting to go directly from the out of town job to the in town job without a detour... we have been helping participate in the detour for the past few days. We didn't expect that our mini holiday would last so long but because my husband had to spend yesterday evening working at the "old" job- we all decided to stay along for the "ride" and enjoy one more night away from home.

We have had a wild fun time here in the REAL BIG city. We have managed to do some sight seeing, see the Blue Angels, get in a little culture, celebrate Joy's birthday, attend the Spina Bifida summer party, go swimming four times, back to school shopping, and my husband has gone to and from work 5 times- Thank God for his stamina.

Today is dear David's 16th birthday and we have one more week before he comes home with Cole, Lulu and Dominick. So we have to be certain to have his presents wrapped and ready for him. I don't recall too many birthdays where we weren't all together for any of my children so this is a tough day to know that David is so far away. I have a strong feeling that the cousins, aunts, uncles and Nana are making this day pretty special for you though!! Happy Birthday David!!!!! We love and miss you!!! See you soon!!

More to come with lots of pictures from this weeks adventures.

Six

Dear Joy...

Today you are SIX.

Today I am thankful for you

in my life and in my family.

Today I reflect upon the past

six months since we said

YES to you... and you said

YES to us too.

You have started to believe
in FOREVER and what forever
really means. And sometimes I
feel you know I am your Mom
forever... even though its scary
to let go of all your walls so fast.
I understand.

Six months ago you were so hurt
and lost
and wild
and your emotions flew
in the air like pixie dust
scattering every which way
but now...
you are JOY.
You know JOY.
You desire JOY.
and I am glad your Mine
And I am Yours too.
unconditionally
I hope that today- your big
SIXTH birthday will be super
special... as we run away with
some of the brothers and sisters-
for an adventure!

And that the memories we are
making are most all happy ones
and they will last you a lifetime
of healing from the memories
you are trying to forget.

Because you bless my life
more than I ever could show you

Love forever and ever.
Your forever Mom

the Strangest of Days

Yesterday was one of the strangest of days that I have had in a long time. Lauren is in a committed relationship- this is the first for Lauren- and it makes us nervous as parents naturally.
Lauren and I spent the morning at an UN-named health clinic discussing private information with specialists. Let me first back track by saying that we first sought out this kind of information from our primary care provider and since he is a male, Lauren was more comfortable with a female, so they let us talk to the nurse practitioner. Lauren had gone to the appointment by herself and came home with just a dribble of information. The nurse practitioner was nervous talking to Lauren about heavy topics and apparently didn't think to take that rare and golden opportunity to arm Lauren with all the information that she needed. Lauren walked away perplexed and more confused than she started! Not even google could help clear up her questions. (And of course my answering them meant nothing because I am indeed just the mother- not the s*x specialist- little does she know... lol.)

So we decided that the best thing we could do was to get an appointment at the the clinic that we won't name. We thought it would be the best place to ask all the questions about... well about everything relating to making choices and becoming a woman. But I must admit going there felt very awkward. Last time I was in that clinics building in rural Ohio- I was a rabid 16 year old who was with her girlfriends and each took turns running in to grab condoms off the counter. Why? Because we were SO cool we needed a stock supply of condoms JUST IN CASE hello? So going there with Lauren, slightly looking pregnant these days, and not wanting to be too overbearing... I sucked it up and went in.

We weren't sure what was going to take place other than we knew that there was going to be a lot of questions and a lot of talking. Lauren had me go in with her to the doctors office and that of course let them all think that she wasn't going to be forthcoming with the information about her "history" and "plans". Surely since her mother is in the room she is lying about all this right?

Lauren and I are very close and she tells me everything. I tried to convey this to the experts but they still kept giving Lauren the look like... "surely your already pregnant and lying about it."

YIKES. Lauren was thankful that I was with her to "back her up". They also told her about PLAN B and how she might want to consider getting some from them "just in case" and "if she can't use it maybe one of her friends could." (Isn't there something illegal about giving your prescription medication to other people?) This was frightening to both Lauren and I. But the good news is that we walked away much more educated. We were able to get all of Laurens questions answered. Now Lauren with her stable morals and massive amounts of information can make informed decisions about her sexuality. The goal was to empower her- not shame her for normal feelings she is having... and of course to educate her so she is prepared for what might happen and how she wants to lay out her own boundaries.

While its not for everyone to have these conversations and actions with their adult children because they feel it might condone the behavior.... I was the child of parents who DID NOT talk about IT at all. S*x was an exciting and new yet very shameful place for me where I sought out acceptance from men- not something I wanted for my very own pleasure in the right circumstances with the right man. I place my blame of my actions on my wild side and definitely on not having an adult to confide in when I needed them. Not that I blame my parents but I do feel that its the way that they were raised and naturally from a strict Catholic background- how they raised their children. So... in our house... we talk about it. We prepare out kids... while not for everyone... its been right for us.