I had thought for a moment that maybe I was just being sensitive- but truly I think that there is something in the air or the water that has made people grouchy with me. This was just the topping on the cake of life that I am already living and so it caused me to have several episodes of inability to deal with the situation at hand. Yesterday I cried several times- on the phone, to my husband, in person, at the psychiatrists with "RAD". And then the dozy- last night to my Mom. An ugly frustrated angry and grieving cry of epic proportions.
And today- I was able to step back from it all with a clear head and determine what must be done. I am doing anything and everything that I can do without doing anything CRAZY and WILD. Basically that means that I filled out the big application to get RAD into the "in home hospitalization alternative program". Where we would get a lot more support in home and out of home for her and her needs. Just because we applied doesn't mean we will get accepted. There might be a long wait or a short wait... or it might be the answer NO. The problem with this program are that RAD can't continue with her same therapist if she is accepted. She will have to start with one of the therapists that work with the program. She is already on her 2nd therapist since starting at this counseling center. RAD also will have to go to treatment foster care two weekends a month and anytime there is a crisis and we need break- and she needs a break too. That is scary for us and scary for her- because foster care was a scary negative place for her that contributed to all her RADness. I almost didn't turn in the paperwork- but really- we can pull out at anytime and we don't have any other option because the people who have to advocate for her (psychiatrist, therapist and supervisor and director) are NOT willing to do so because "they will deny her hospitalization" or because "she has to exhaust all resources locally first".
So we are hoping that she might get accepted or we are just following protocol- because to them- there is no other option.
The psychiatrist confirmed her other diagnoses- not just RAD- but early onset bipolar disorder. New meds were started and will be increased over the next weeks and then a 2nd med will be added. Knowing how to advocate for her and what is best for her has gotten very altered in my mind from moment to moment. Its hard to be able to parent her from afar and work on the RAD piece- but for now- we have her home with us and we want to keep a close eye on how these serious meds are affecting her. We have a back up plan in place which is one of the adults leaving with her again, or my sister can take her for short breaks in the meantime. We need to keep everyone safe and happy while at the same time make sure that she feels loved and supported by her family. That's a tough call some days!
The hospital two hours from us is doing a some clinical research studies on bipolar disorder. Both sound very promising. I have called for more information and hope that she might qualify for one of them. It comes with close monitoring by one of the experts on bipolar disorder in children. Or at the very least she might be able to get in to see him for another evaluation. She has a long road ahead of her.... but I think that we might be on the right track. Or at least we made progress from where we were a week ago.
So the goals are:
2. Schedule (making a new schedule WITH her about her days- her knowing the "plan" each day seems to help her not spiral)
3. Keep pushing for her to get help and answers
4. Pray more