Redemption

I must admit that the past days of waiting and wondering when the archive for Isaac will be complete has been difficult. I have heard hopeful things like- it might be sooner rather than later- to... it could take six months. Of course we are praying that it doesn't take more than a few more DAYS. But I feel the need to prepare my children, husband and heart if it could be that long.
I had heard about a tragedy a few days ago and then got an email about the same situation. I wanted to share this with you all and ask for prayers for the Loux Family. Reading this blog post of the late Derek Loux will greatly bless you. In this wait for Isaac and this mountain that seems never ending to climb... I feel redemption and hope in inexplicable moments.

I did not know this man personally-Derek Loux -but he was killed just before Christmas in an automobile accident-he was an adoptive father, daddy to a large family, loving husband and an advocate for children. Derek Loux wrote this during his adoption of three special needs boys from the Ukraine.


Renee and I are sitting in the office of a telephone company in Novagrad Valenski, Ukraine; using wireless internet. We are in the middle of adopting three special needs boys from an orphanage here. Two of the boys have Down Syndrome. Roman is high functioning, energetic, and happy; Dimitri has serious mental retardation, failure to thrive, and though he is five years old, he is the size of a 1 yr old. He has sores on his face, a distinct smell of death on him, and yells out if we try to do anything with him other than hold him. Because he has less ability to respond and learn, he naturally gets less attention and care from the orphanage workers in this world of limited resources. The harsh reality of the "survival of the fittest" principle is a life and death struggle that this little boy is losing fast. Our third boy Sasha, is a brilliant six year old who has Spina Bifida (the condition our son Josiah died from in 1996). He is like a learning sponge that can't get enough! He is happy and alert and thirsty for knowledge and experience. So with two of our boys we get an immediate return on any investment we make.

With Dimitri, there's not much immediate gratification. In fact, it's unknown when and if there will be a return at all. This is the kind of situation that makes the carnal, fallen, human reasoning think, "Why try? What's the point? What will this produce? What good will this do? Why not select a boy who has more "potential"? This looks like a lost cause". Two days ago we drove for hours into the Ukrainian countryside to the village where Dimitri was born. We met with officials there and signed papers and answered their questions. We also went and saw Dimitri's house.

The day had been long, we were still recovering from jet lag, I was beginning to really miss my six daughters at home and all the familiar things our fragile human hearts entangle themselves with in feeble attempts to feel secure. Sitting in the dark on our very long drive back to Novograd that night, the Holy Spirit began to whisper to my heart, and new understanding about redemption began to take shape. I was thinking, "Man, adopting this little boy has been so much work. This is exhausting, expensive, uncomfortable ... and it doesn't feel very rewarding right now." What am I doing in some little Soviet car in the dark, in the middle of rural Ukraine in frozen December, as the driver dodges cats and potholes? What if Dimitri doesn't improve at all? What if we get "nothing" out of this?

… Ahhh, there it was; that dark, fallen, unredeemed, selfish human love, rooted in the tree of the knowledge of "good and evil". The love the Greeks called "erao" love. The love where we treat someone as precious and treasured for what we can get out of it. This is unlike "agapeo" love, the God kind of love that treats someone as treasured and precious for their good, not for my good. It's when I love a person in order to meet their needs, having no expectation of them meeting any of my needs. At a whole new level, God is working His kind of love into my weak heart, and He's using little Dimitri to do it.

On the drive home that night, the Lord whispered in my ear, "This is Redemption. Derek, do you know how far I travelled to get you and bring you back? I had to be separated from my Son, in order to get you, just like you are separated from your children in order to get these boys. Do you know how expensive it was for Me to purchase you? It cost me everything. Do you know how broken, sick, damaged, twisted, dirty, smelly, and hopeless you were? And at the end of it all, you had nothing to give me or add to me. I did it for you. I emptied myself and became nothing so that you could have it all. This is redemption."

My friends, adoption is redemption. It's costly, exhausting, expensive, and outrageous. Buying back lives costs so much. When God set out to redeem us, it killed Him. And when He redeems us, we can't even really appreciate or comprehend it, just like Dimitri will never comprehend or fully appreciate what is about to happen to him … but … he will live in the fruit of it. As his Daddy, I will never expect him to understand all of this or even to thank me. I just want to watch him live in the benefits of my love and experience the joys of being an heir in my family. This is how our heavenly "Papa" feels towards us. Today, settle your busy heart down and rest in the benefits of redemption. Enjoy the fruits of His goodness, and stop trying to "pay Him back". You'll never get close you goofy little kid.

Here is a link to the original Loux family blog.

Skating

That was definitely not challenging enough for ya'll!

Angeline went ice skating- for the very first time...

that included her wearing skates and going on the ice.

She had been "ice skating" many times before

that included sipping hot cocoa and having Mom

take her over to "feel" the ice with her hands.

But never before- was she able to SKATE.

She skated for hours.
She was determined NOT to fall.
I was thankful to Leishan, Lauren and Grace.
For all the extra hands they provided.
(To make me feel less worried!)


Angeline had so much fun...
that she cried HUGE tears when it
was time to go.

We will definitely go again soon.
What a miracle moment for us all!
In other news:
Please pray for Isaac's adoption.
The new archive is being worked on.
But because its a holiday week-
the office is only open certain days
and shorter hours.
Our chance is today or tomorrow
and then we will have to wait for next week.
Praying for THIS WEEK so that we can
get his Visa appointment soon!

Thank you. :)

Any Idea?

Take a guess at what might

be happening here.

Christmas 2009

Each Christmas no matter where we were in the world- my granny (my fathers Mother) would mail us out a box of her fudge and she would always include some of her "Christmas Cookies". I always enjoyed that she called them Christmas cookies, plain and simple. I had been missing their biscuity texture and the crunch of the buttery sugar frosting and this Christmas I had really been missing "home" in Ohio and of course avoiding anything that had to do with thinking about how Isaac wasn't here for Christmas for the FOURTH year.
On Christmas Eve day I spent over an hour searching through old letters trying to find my granny's recipe. I was thankful when I came across it in a basket. It was hand written on really thin paper by my granny. Both sides of the paper were covered with the instructions and the recipe reminded me that my granny never really cooked from a recipe so asking her to write it down was some what silly but a nice memento to have from her.
On the top of the instructions it is labeled "Christmas Cookies". And the recipe goes on to tell things like "a bag of powdered sugar" and "enough milk to make it like pancake batter" and "I shape mine more like walnuts" and "use the sprinkle sugar in red or green from grocery store".
It made me smile to make them and even more to enjoy eating them. :)

Christmas Eve my sister and her family came over and we made a special surprise for Clepson. It is a recording of "we are the world" his most favorite song. My brother in law has some fancy equipment and was able to set up his 'studio' in our playroom. We each took turns singing the refrain and each had a part in the song- I was Stevie Wonder and my hubby was Bob Dylan. (My husband was a perfect Bob Dylan- I had much to be desired as Stevie but my brother in law assured me he can adjust the pitch on the computer.) Once the song is all finished getting "mixed" I will definitely be posting it here for you all to hear. If nothing else- its sure to be entertaining and will bring a huge smile to Clepson who must have sung that song 1000 times while he was here.
We dined on pizza rolls (another Granny tradition) and other finger foods and the smoked sausage from Texas was adored with the mustard to dip it in. After the evening was over we told the children we would try to go on a "pajama ride" to see the Christmas lights. We told them to get ready and they reminded us that they had to get to bed first. They wanted to lay in bed and have us wake them up with the big announcement of the impending pajama ride- even though we all knew it was coming. So the children all "went to bed" and then I made hot cocoa and warm cider and put it in to-go cups. I packed up some of Granny's Christmas cookies and my husband mapped out the best light displays around town. Then we yelled PAJAMA RIDE and everyone came running.

Here is right before we left. Yes I realize that Grace is wearing very short shorts. I call this parenting moment one of natural consequences. It was about 10pm and a really cold night. Brrr Grace! We sang carols, prayed and oooed and ahhed at the lights. Lauren was there too- she is often behind the camera and I wanted to be sure that we didn't forget at least one picture of Lauren!

After we got home Bear and Angeline had already fallen asleep. Although I wanted to go to bed after the busy day I did have the excitement of getting everything ready to look forward to. "Daddy Santa" put together the toys for under the tree and Mama Santa and Lauren did the stockings and put them all over the house for the kids to find. Santa even left a note or two- thanks Dad!

The next morning Lulu woke us up at 7am. Everyone else stayed asleep until we woke them at 8:30am. Everyone opened their stockings and ate some of PW's Cinnamon rolls that I made the day before. (They were out of this world good but I did make half with cream cheese frosting instead. Yum!)

Angeline loved her new Dora big wheel. She had been talking about it for months and was very surprised to see it under the tree. We went around the family youngest to oldest and opened gifts one at a time. Lulu had a really hard time waiting her turn and was too excited to sit still.

Everyone kept trying to help Angeline open her gifts and it really ticked her off. Miss Independence she is!

Everyone got three gifts from their Dad and I. One "cool cool clothes" item, something fun, and something practical or needed item.

Leishan, Danny and their significant others came over in the afternoon for gifts and dinner of steak and halibut. We had way too much dessert and the kids loved the family gift of the new "Guess Who" game best of all. (Great suggestion Sophie!) My children were kind to one another all day long and that was my best gift of all. My husband passed out the gifts and made sure to push Isaac's things to the back of the tree. He was smart enough to not mention them or him at all. (Denial is sometimes necessary to enjoy moments that otherwise could get too heavy.)

We missed our missing family members but all in all... it was a wonderful Christmas. And today- after a good workout- we came home and packed away all the Christmas things and went to see "The Blind Side" with the older children. (It was WONDERFUL.) Another Christmas gone, another year older, more memories made, sadness avoided, peaceful and so blessed we are.

Merry Christmas!

Sensitive

Please excuse me- I am feeling a bit sensitive. So when you interrupt me and I am talking- I might get offended more than usual. And when I hear we have $27 in late fees at the movie place or that the Princess Tiana dolls are sold out at Target- or when I misplace my late granny's cookie recipe- or when our oldest son doesn't even want to be home for Christmas (and is denying his relationship to me- his wicked step mother who ruined his life)... even though he has slowly worked his way through undermining relationships with everyone in the extended family and I know what the truth is... I may overreact.

And at the same time hearing the news about Isaac yesterday made me more sensitive in another way too. It made me look at these pictures and ponder for many minutes what my dear daughter was telling Santa about. It made me thankful for her gift of gab and her extensive vocabulary but also made me smile thinking of the outrageous things she might have told him. I might cry tears of longing when I hear her tell me about the mean people that won't let her brother Isaac come home. She doesn't understand it any other way than she wants her brother day after day and he never comes and that in turn must be MEAN- not just a series of very unfortunate events.

And that would also be why after a long day yesterday of feeling sorry for myself and drowning my sorrows in BAKING (instead of eating)... I felt a little lost when it came to planning out the Christmas Eve menu. I didn't want to deal with anything that didn't involve cream cheese, butter and chocolate in my cooking agenda. So much to my surprise when late last evening the door bell rang and large cold box of smokehouse meats was delivered from Texas. A divine intervention of sausages freeing me from my motherly duties of dinner on Christmas eve. Thank you so much E. what a lovely blessing at such a perfect time to lift our spirits yesterday. I bet you never thought it would have such a response- but you should see my families JOY and smiles at the box of goodness from deep in the south. :) Oh yeh!!! THANK YOU!

I might be feeling a bit sensitive about life right now... please forgive me.

Happy Christmas Eve.

Just kidding!

Isaac's paperwork is not at the embassy.

It is NOT awaiting a Visa appointment.

Because there is a mistake on

one of his documents.

One of the archived documents...

so they need to get a new archive.

And they don't know how long this

will take- but they are working on it.

Just when you thought something was

going right in his adoption... JUST KIDDING

It WASN'T!

Sorry

Sorry to panic and freak out this morning.

In all my worry I forgot to say:

HAPPY 22nd BIRTHDAY LEISHAN!!

(*i love you*)

We still don't know what is going on.

But we did hear from someone who can find out-

which is a step in the right direction!

I feel like I have been on a desert island

for many months. I ran out of the only water

that I was able to drink and stay hydrated

a long time ago. Its been years really. And finally

I know that water is coming. I no longer have

to feel thirsty. Its painful that is how bad I

need this drink. And then there is another delay...

and I don't know if the water will come soon.

I don't know if the water has been spilled.

I don't know if the water is truly OK. All

the while I have watched others with their

water right in front of me all the while knowing

how precious the water is to us all!

I don't know if God's timing could be

anymore perfect than in this moment for the

water to arrive. And I must have it now...

Steadfast and praying for answers.

Head meet Wall

This is my head- this is my head hitting the wall.

Frustration.
Anger.
ugh.

We just got off the phone with the embassy/us consulate.
They DO NOT have our documents.
They have not received ANYTHING.
They contacted our attorney LAST FRIDAY.
They didn't even get a REPLY from them.
They are waiting for them to reply.
They can do NOTHING without the documents.
I have emailed our attorney.
I can't get a reply.

So here are my thoughts:
If they did take the documents somewhere
they took them to the WRONG place.

Its Christmas week and no one wants
to be accountable or work this week.

If they did take them to the correct place
then they are now lost because its been
days of emails and now calls and still no
documents are to be found at the correct place.

I haven't felt this head to the wall crazy
in a long time.

Happy 13th Birthday Grace!

Today is Grace's 13th birthday. Tonight she is having some friends spend the night and we are doing the traditional home made pizza and cake. This afternoon she is spending time with her youth group leader. For her gifts she got a digital camera and a purity ring- which she accepted and rolled her eyes at. :)

Here are some DREAM Poems written by Grace and her friend Rachel:

My bed is like a sailing ship

when I'm tucked in, I take a trip.

I leave behind my busy day

and sail to places far away.

I sail past beaches, gleaming white- with

palm trees swaying in the night.

I watch the waves break on the shore and

then I see my bedroom floor.

I blink my eyes and I scratch my head

my ship is home- I'm back in bed.

My ship goes sailing every night

and sails home in the morning light.

_______________________________________________

I may by dreaming but wouldn't it be great if...

I were a genius who could get A's in school without

having to do homework.

My parents let me eat desserts first and then

anything else I wanted.

My little sister moved to an island off the coast

of Madagascar and I never heard from her again-

except on my birthdays when she would send

me a card with money in it.

Instead of making me go to Sunday School

my parents would take me and my boyfriend

to the amusement park where I would practice

the golden rule on the roller coaster by holding his

hand whenever he got scared. :)

__________________________________________

I could go on but I've been up all night.

It's almost time to go to work.

I had trouble sleeping and after reading a dull

book I got out of bed and decided to do something productive

like writing a poetry lesson.

If you can't dream, the next best thing to do is to write

dream poems. Funny... I suddenly feel sleepy.

Maybe I'll just close my eyes and....

Bear Feet

I have neglected with so many other newsy things going on to give a post surgical update on baby Bears feet. Here are his feet once the casts were off. Ouch! Poor guy. His little legs just take a beating from the casts.

But his feet are looking really great. His legs look longer and now he just has the short casts on as shown below. Next week he will go back to the hospital to have his feet measured for AFO leg braces. Then he will have the short casts back on. Two weeks after that we go back and the AFO's will be ready for him to be CAST FREE!

We are very excited about that as then it will be time to start working harder on helping him be able to "bear weight" on his legs.

Bear has managed to be able to pull himself around on the floor even with the casts on. He just pulls them behind him. Its been amazing to see how he compensates for his paralysis and the weight of the casts. Bear is also starting to say more words like: Puppy "Pawpoo", Sit, Sit Pawpoo, David, BOB!, Lolo, "this", and of course- "ba-ba". Baby Bear is such a dear love.

In other news...

We heard from the embassy after requesting a Visa interview. They said that they are awaiting the documents from our attorney. We emailed back to let them know we believe that the documents are there. We will see what happens- perhaps they just aren't on the right persons desk yet. If we don't get it figured out early next week- we will start calling around to see specifically what was taken to the embassy. If its the complete dossier- or if they are waiting on something- or if the documents are in the wrong place. (TIH) Pray!

Its our anniversary today. Its also Tylers birthday (we miss him as he is in Arizona). We had five sick children at the doctor today. Apparently its viral but Coles throat looks suspicious for strep. Praying we are healthy for Christmas. I am so happy that my children have two weeks off school!! I am almost done with Christmas shopping- we just have food things and two gifts left to buy. Cookie baking is in full force. And life is just plain good.

How about you? All ready for the big day?

Our son...

Our sons paperwork is all at the embassy awaiting a visa appointment! And our approved I-600 with renewed fingerprints arrived in the mail today! Is God great or what? Please pray for a fast reply to our request for an appointment and a date in the VERY NEAR future.

(Pinching myself again- it is really happening.)

Joy. Pure joy.

back to the cookie baking epidemic... or is that pandemic? Its a lot of cookies... :)

Yesterday and Today

This is my sisters Christmas card. She had me make it for her. That's her horse Diego in the background. I am hoping that it makes you smile- enough said.
Angeline will be having her surgery at the end of January which happens to be right before her fourth birthday. She will be admitted for one night since she is at higher risk for potential complications. We are of course praying to not have any. It did set our mind at peace seeing the specialists because now we know that the apnea isn't "hurting" her in the sense that we feared- brain damage. It is definitely not a good thing but they weren't panicked as I had thought.
We had to wake up at 4am and leave the house at 5am to make it through the ice and snow to the appointment at 8am. It was a long day but a good day. We spent sometime shopping to try to finish off the Christmas list afterwards. Angeline was such a trooper with the long day. Each time that I turned around we were getting her a little something at the Disney store, then Sanrio, then a gum, then a cotton candy, then this then that... it is hard when we are out with one child to not do that for both Robert and I- so she got double whammy showered with sugar and love yesterday.
I came home to an email letting me know that Isaac was doing well. His TB test is going to be read today and then he will be going back to the "O". The rest of the medical exam went well. Praying for that paperwork to reach the embassy ASAP!
I have a dear friend coming over this morning to help me wrap gifts so I can work on packing up all my eBay sales and gifts for mailing. (They need to get in the mail today along with the Christmas letter and picture I finished last night!) This friend always steps in to offer her help and I rarely take it. I like to think that I can always do things on my own but I can't even express what a blessing she is to me and how lovely it is that I have her help!

Travels

Please pray for our very early morning travels (in like 4 hours I need to wake up and haven't gone to bed yet). It has been snowing- then icing- now sleet- and rain sort of mix- its slick!
We are going to see the ENT at one of the best hospitals in the world to see if we can get a surgery scheduled for my beauty queen Angeline. We pray that they schedule it ASAP and don't make her wait too much longer. The oxygen at night it doing OK but she is not sleeping well at all.
The picture above was taken when she went for her sleep study. Note the little cheeto covered hands. She is so amazing my Beanie.

Today far far away Isaac started the process for his medical exams so he can get his Visa to come HOME. We are hoping that he is safe and happy and not too worried being away from COTP. We know he is in good hands we just wish we could be there with him while he is having all these new experiences. Tomorrow or the next day we should be hearing how things went. (He has to stay on the other side of Haiti where the approved medical facility is to have his TB test read. Then he gets to fly back to the North side of Haiti to the orphanage.)

We are praying that the translations on the documents are near completion so things can be turned in at the embassy and we can get a Visa appointment ASAP! :)

Off to bed... dreaming of answers- there are so many we are seeking.

Christmas Party 2009

Mmmm Cookies!

Lauren and Bear

So in love. :)

David helps Angeline make a craft.

I am SO blessed to have children

who help and love one another.

(most of the time)

Grace (almost 13)

Cole 13

Dominick 10

Sophia 11

Angeline dances with Elijah :)

Angeline also showed off her

walking skills to everyone.

Yeah!!

Lulu ate way too many cookies

We had a fantastic time at the annual Spina

Bifida Christmas party.

More soon...

The story of a Christmas Card

This is the story of a Christmas Card.

These are the Fitz's. The Fitz's have been

long time customers of mine.

The younger children do modeling.

And they are all very pretty people-

don't you think?
They are nice too!

Anyway- Mrs. Fitz always gives me a

challenge. This year she wanted to use

the picture above. (They have 8 children plus

Mom and Dad= 10 total)

Having this many people

in a picture is difficult.

The starting picture was pretty good of

everyone. I was impressed. But Mrs. Fitz.

wanted a "cowboy Christmas". She wanted the

family in a sleigh. And she wanted Santa with a

cowboy hat. She wanted herself with a cowboy hat too.

I searched high and low for a background

to use. I couldn't find a thing.

But I did find the picture above.

I thought it would be nice with a big

sleigh in the front of it.

I then found this awesome RED Sleigh.

But there was no way that 10 people were

going to fit in it. I cut it out and put it on the

pretty background. TWICE.
Then I separated the Fitz family

between the two Sleighs.

Here was a good looking Santa to join the crew.

We would worry about the cowboy hat later.

So I cut him out and added him to the picture.

The background seemed empty.
So I found a pretty RED barn.
And cut it out- and put it in the background.
Way in the back behind the trees.

Well the sleigh needs some deer.
These ones could do the job...
I added them to.

Along with some glitter, snow, boots and HATS.
One Christmas tree later...
We are finished.
Be sure to click on the picture to see
it full size. And the one below is cropped
differently. A very fun challenge indeed.

I am still taking some orders for pictures
in the next two weeks.
If you want services later... order now
also. (Valentines Day cards??)
I also have gift certificates available if
you are interested in giving someone
else the gift of a picture to remember.
We are raising funds to pay for the
travel costs to bring Isaac home.
Consider buying my services today...
or bidding on some of our ebay listings here.
(Shameless self promotion over now- and
back to reality. Blessings all!)


Merry Christmas Fitz Family!