Glee - A MUST WATCH SHOW

I needed to be sure to blog about GLEE. If you aren't watching this show this fall- or if you don't watch TV at all- you might want to think about it.
Take a look at this clip from last week's episode. Be sure to turn the music off at the right so you can hear the sound ok.
A definitely must watch show for the adults!!! You will laugh so hard that you will want to DVR the episodes so you can watch them again.

Oregon and Washington

We are almost home! We made it through Oregon and into Washington last night. YEAH!!!
I can't wait to get home. We miss the kids so much but I can't help admit that we have enjoyed this time together.

Both hubby and I have colds now. Go figure.

Yesterday we had a couple really interest travel experiences. Most of the drive has been through very rural parts of the country.

We stopped in a small town in Oregon for tissues and ended up at the Dollar Tree. The woman checking out in front of us had three dollars in pennies and was buying soup and mouse traps. She needed $4 but only had $3. We tried to offer help but she left upset without her mouse traps. What a reality check. To have to scrape change in order to buy dinner (canned soup) and mouse traps to only realize that you have to make the choice between catching the mice in your home or feeding your family is really just unreal.

At times I am far too quick to forget about the poverty that exists in my own backyard. I need to be more aware and conscious of my choices.

Idaho

Short post for an update.
Things went well last night. The van looked good in the dark. They put our last name down wrong on the paperwork so it had to be redone and took awhile as "our guy" wasn't the paperwork guy typically and had to have someone walk him through the process of printing it all out over again. (We were the only ones at the dealership as we arrived at 10pm.)
Our sales guy is now our friend- we spent way too much time talking and it was great to get to know him better. After things were signed and done we headed out. The van floor is still quite wet from the detailing that must have taken place in a hurry when they knew that we were coming.
We stopped at the store for a GPS and headed north- we made it to somewhere Idaho at about 5am and decided to get a hotel and sleep for awhile. They charged us $80 and we have to check out by 1pm. So that's not a ton of sleep. :)
Right now I am typing this and eating fruit salad prepackaged from a walmart. My husband is flipping the tv between Nascar and Boxing and we drove a car last night all night that we still haven't seen in daylight yet. Life is good though.
We miss our kids and have another long day or two of driving until we are HOME.
More soon.... pray for our safe travels.

Salt Lake

There is something really magical about last minute travel even though it can be seriously stressful. What a whirlwind of a day- but I high up in the air with my husband sleeping soundly next to me, listening to Led Zepplin far too loud on my IPOD and feeling footloose and fancy free.
This morning when we woke up we were determined to get things figured out with the van situation. We still have a file full of paperwork that needs completing before we are able to collect any money from our insurance company and that has been put on the back burner because we have been living life and things can't get notarized without my husband being off work. Well today he was off work and sweet RAD was safely away with family for the weekend- so we were going to get some moving and shaking done.
We had found a great deal on a 12 passenger van but had spent the later part of this past week trying to get financing figured out. The vans in our area- well in our entire state were actually costing thousands of dollars more. So we knew that we had to be thrifty and only finance the bare bones that we had to and keep those monthly payments low. The car lot was trying to find us financing at a good rate- but they came back with something totally unacceptable given our good credit. Because we were buying from out of state they just weren't producing the kind of rate that we were hoping for. We called our bank who said that sure- they could finance us but they couldn't do much better than what the car lot had come up with.
We prayed and decided that we would just buy a van in our state and save the hassle as well as the interest rate instead of dealing with traveling and the hub bub that had been going on with the back and forth phone calls. We knew that we could get a decent rate at a credit union here in our state- but because we didn't have an account at the credit union my dear hubby would have to come in and apply after opening an account. So that means that he would need to take a day off of work- no work equals no pay- so that really wasn't an option for us right now given the need for the money to buy the darn van in the first place. (Catch 22- your damned if you do- your damned if you don't.)
So this morning we called the out of state car lot to give them one more try at finding us a good rate- and they told my husband that they only had that ONE bank that they worked with that was willing to finance people from out of state. They said that because if we didn't pay and we were out of state- then that would mean that they would have to come all the way to our state and get the vehicle. Seemed logical- but there are banks that are the same in our state and in their state- you think that they would be able to figure it out.
My husband then asked about the "hold" that we put on the van of $1000 of our credit card. They said that likely that wouldn't be refunded because they did find us financing it just wasn't agreeable to what we were hoping for. Well sheesh- someone could have told us this earlier in the week- that would have been fair. How about a little explanation as to how these things work folks?
Then the water works started- to add insult to injury here we were weeks out from the van fire, and we still had no settlement from our insurance, we were paying some out of pocket for our rental car as the insurance only was paying a portion, and now we were facing being out another $1000. I talked to both the finance guy and the guy handling the sale and told them how upset I was. I cried on the phone and just laid it all out there- what a bunch of crap.
The only reason I believe that I felt that I could even trust this situation in the first place was because we had bought our old van from this same type of dealership (car rental sales company) in Columbus Ohio years ago. We had a great experience and they have fantastic prices. Also the guy that we were working with was the oldest of 15 children! He understood large families-and even large adopted families as most of his siblings are adopted. We had great conversations on the phone all week long and he basically hand picked this van from the nine or so that they had at the beginning of the week.
They took it off the lot and held it for us- which was truly wonderful- but I never knew about buying and financing a car out of state and I had hoped that they would be the experts.

After my tear filled phone calls a bit of time went by and I got a phone call with an offer for an interest rate HALF of what it originally was. The interest rate that we got was really great for a used car and unreal truly. Then they told me how they got that rate for me which made me shudder a little and question the ethics of it- but at that point I thought I better keep my mouth shut and pray. Certainly nothing ILLEGAL occurred just something slightly unethical. I bet your dying to know and I would love to tell you... someday soon.

So we were all in agreement that we would move forward and they said that they would fed ex the paperwork to me and that I needed to fedex it back to them before the end of the month. Then a wave of panic came over me...
I wasn't going to sign anything without seeing the van first and making sure we are actually getting a van and this is going to go OK!
So we scrambled.... my sister headed over to help without questions, Kim offered back up, Lauren assured me it was going to be fine, my dear neighbor got a frantic last minute email which I know she's there in case of emergency, a dear friend Sandy had emailed offering to bring dinner over even without knowing we were going to be leaving town last minute (what a blessing and so God's timing that my family at home will have dinner tomorrow night without worrying about it!!)
We found some last minute decent airfares ONE WAY, my husband called the rental car company to let them know we were headed to the airport two hours away and we would be leaving the car there instead of at the local branch- DING $50 fee- oh well.... and we were on our way!
I smuggled on some chips and salsa without remembering them in the backpack and the planes about ready to land. Praying that a nice guy with 15 younger sibs is there to pick us up with our new *used van. Or else we are spending the night in lovely Salt Lake and I will go to Provo for a cupcake (Nienie's favorite place) and I will hunt down these people and head home on a plane tomorrow night.
Either way- fun times.
More soon....

Hello Cupcake!

We bought this book.

I couldn't resist.

There are amazing ideas in it

and I knew that the kids would

enjoy trying out some of the creations.

Lauren went crazy making cupcakes.

She made an entire army of Panda cakes.

She even made a baby Bear panda.

This was her favorite one.

The head is a mini cupcake.

She used cocoa puffs for the ears.

The recipe called for Oreo cereal-

we couldn't find it.
Adorable anyhow!

I love how she incorporated the pumpkins.

Of course Angeline was over joyed to have

lovely Panda cupcakes to enjoy.

With the leftover batter-

Lauren got creative.
And I can vouch that they tasted

just as good as they look.

HAPPY FRIDAY!

Lady Bug

I know its not Halloween yet.

But I am already feeling the fun in the air.

The past few weeks in anticipation of the new

playroom being finished we have been collecting

costumes for a dress up box.

Angeline can't seem to get enough dressing

up these days and she looks so darn adorable.

Thank you for all your prayers and

well wishes. We feel them.

Thank you also to my close by family

and friends that have reached out to

help with RAD and the situation.

We are constructing a family safety plan.

We are planning lots of things with the

therapy team. And we are going to have

a very ridged schedule for certain

persons for the next few months while

they are in the depth of this healing

process. Because although things seem

to be getting harder at times- this is

truly a breakthrough and we have hope.

In other news:

I think that we might have a new van.
And I believe I bought it over the phone last night without

seeing it first and its in another state.

Who's the one being irrational now?

We should know in a couple hours if the funding goes through.

And if so we will make a plan to head out soon to Salt Lake City

to pick it up. As far as BIG vans go SLC has far more than Seattle.

In our state they call BIG vans a liability. In SLC they call them:

"a reliable family vehicle".

Have a beautiful day.

Moody Weekend

I mean seriously.

Come on now.

If I were to tell you the things that we have

done over the past three days...

I bet some of you would think that

this was not actually someones

REAL life.

Baby Bear is getting sassy.

Angeline says he:

"whines whines whines and beeyotches too"

(I don't know where she heard that word.)

(eeek)

I agree though.

He has a tooth and one more on the way.

Plus he is sick.

He is fussy.

And not sleeping well.

But even in his altered state of mood.

He is so darn cute.

And the most cuddly Bear ever.

It is hard not to give him what he wants

exactly when he wants it.

The garage playroom is 90% done.

Pictures soon.

We feel accomplished from the busy weekend.

Everyone loves having another place to play.

But in a run on paragraph the weekend looked

something like this:

Friday hubby off work have to head to Home Depot for more paint I am elated to have three days with my love, RAD child is having a melt down, it escalates, we carry her to the car and take her to Aunt Nina who takes her to the barn, we call the therapist and doctor because we don't know what to do- they say bring her to the ER- we finish at Home Depot and take RAD to the hospital- spend hours upon hours there hubby brings good lunch from the food co-op, RAD child requests a fruit plate from the nurse and is feeling much better, social worker finally comes and doctor and both agree "she looks fine now" we are discharged, come home order dinner out get working on garage playroom the kids all look beat from a long and emotional day hubby and I are damn determined to get that epoxy floor done and we spend half the night awake doing it next morning we wake up have to ignore RAD child who claims that she doesn't want to help and that is why she is having a bad weekend we say OK and just let her do what she wants we all walk on eggshells in order to avoid a crisis because we are all determined that we are getting that garage done if we have to put more hours in the day we get it nearly complete and start clearing out the storage room and attic I post items on Craig's list for people to come and take people were stopping by all hours of the night and it was getting old the large pile was nearly gone by the next morning and I felt way free because I was less burdened with things and the house was looking good we beg and plead with RAD child to allow us to leave for several hours to take things to the resale shop and to go and look for a car we actually lay down a bribe in the hope that it will mean she has a good day hubby and I are slightly giddy because we get to spend time alone one hour goes by and we make it though the resale shop protocol and then Lauren calls us to please come and pick up RAD NOW we decide that we aren't able to eat lunch out because of having to drive back home for RAD we look for something to eat fast we drive through I only get fries because I don't eat meat they make me sick to my stomach within an hour because my body goes into grease shock and I feel crummy have a RAD in tow and have to deal with used car salesman at the first dealership I fall on the ground trying to get around the 15 passenger van sitting on the hill I scrape my hands and knee and just want to lie on the concrete ledge and cry its been a long week RAD glares at me and looks pleased that I got hurt and fell -my feelings are hurt as well as my soul its just not fair to have to let one child run an entire family my husband helps me up the dealership people are pushy and can't even give us a price on the two vans we go to five more dealerships and don't really still know what we are doing or looking for we get home after grocery shopping at Trader Joe's they give us new reusable grocery bags because they heard the other ones got burnt in the fire I feel grateful at home we make a short list of things for a fast dinner hubby heads out to take David to church youth group and stops to get chicken and other ready made things for the little people hear to eat he picks me up some Honeycrisp apples and fat free caramel I am so excited seriously this is why I am chubby lol RAD gets mad during dinner because Lauren asks her not to put her chicken from her plate back in the container because she already touched it she loses it she yells she acts wild and crazy and hubby has to leave and take her back to the ER and meanwhile we have an ice cream sundae party with the kids- me and the kids- they eat sick amount of whip cream- this was Lulu's choice for a reward because they all worked so hard getting the new playroom ready I only wish that RAD and hubby could have joined me... but no they are at the hospital and he has to leave for work at 4am and its now just 8 hours from now and they wait and wait in the psychiatric ward at 3 am he asks when someone is going to come and see RAD and they say she left for the night and will be back at 8am they can leave and come back we decline and they come home I am already awake because Bear is sick and needs a breathing treatment I watch RAD sleep and wonder why I can't ever understand why she can't get through each day with less struggle and more happiness I pray for a miracle I pray for a cure I pray for medication to help her I pray for therapy to heal her wounded heart I pray for her to behave I pray we make it through this and don't allow her to destroy us all I pray that she doesn't hurt herself I thank God its Monday and there is school and she can go there for the whole entire day I take her abuse when she wakes up and yells at me because the toothpaste doesn't taste right and its disgusting inside I mentally equate that to people in my life not naming any names here OK-

I need my daughter mentally healthy.

I will do whatever it takes to have peace in my life.

Pray for RAD. (Again- saying RAD because I want to share with you all without over sharing if that makes sense.) Pray for Bear's illness. Pray for Lulu and Bean and the anger and sadness they feel towards RAD and her issues. Pray for my older children as they try to find patience- along with my husband and myself. Pray for an answer. Pray for Isaac to get home. Pray for peace in my life. Lord knows I need it.

The van issues, and insurance BS and all that will come later.
I think we have hit rock bottom and there is no
place left to go from here but up with RAD.
Praying this is it this is the end the bottom the finale.

So if you see me and I look tired.

I AM.

and if I look like I haven't showered.

I haven't.

and if you wonder if things are ok.

They aren't.

and if you want to pray.

Do it now.

and if you have any answers.

Tell me.

and if you wonder if God has this all covered.

He does.

We just need to be reminded that this too shall pass.

Kyst

(picture credit krashingmotions.info 2009)
Please take a moment and go and be

KYST (kissed) by Everlee.
Everlee's mama created a lovely website and jewelry in her

daughters honor. Everlee has Spina Bifida just like

Angeline and Bear. Her Mama makes beautiful jewelry and the

sales of the jewelry go to help pay for Everlee's
medical expenses as well as 25% of the proceeds

go towards organizations that help with Spina Bifida.

Also all of the jewelry is made with Eco friendly
materials- so you can't go wrong.

Go and check out this beautiful website and be
KYST by Everlee!

Dunk tank

Yesterday when Grace got home and told me the following:
"I really hurt myself Mom. I think that I might have broken my foot in the dunk tank at church." I should have realized that the rest of the day was going to be filled with surreal moments of numbness. If there is a bone to be broken- Grace will break it! So far she has elevated and rested and thinks it might just be sprained. We will give it until tomorrow- if she is still in pain- she will get an x-ray. She has broken two bones already and she is only 12.
Dunktank and Church should not be in the same sentence right? (Only at our church really.) And I love our church. Its the best and filled with the most awesome God filled folks who know how to keep it real and have a good time on top of it.

Dealing with insurance claims and interviews and the like isn't fun at all. I just want things to be over so I can move on. I just want the garage repair guy to actually show up and give me an estimate on fixing the door. I just want the burned up van from in front of my house moved. Why aren't these things happening? I can't replace my lost GPS if I don't have a car. There would be no where to plug it into when we walk places. :)

And then after coming off of a 24 hour "keeping my cool" episode with one raging RADish. (Read back to see what I might be talking about.) I just want a shower and ask David and Grace to help with Bean and Bear so that might happen for me. David is having a mood because he stayed up too late the night before talking to Cole and I. And Grace of course can't stand because of her foot. They reluctantly agree and because there is so much paint caked on my arms and legs from the garage interior painting that is happening in my free moments... I take them up on the reluctant agreement because I am that desperate.

I decide to check my email before I get in the shower and I get this email:

MOI requested an archive of the adoption decree. When (the attorney) went to Archive National, they could not make a copy, because it was not in the register.The original adoption decree was filed in the court sometime in 2008, but the civil officer failed to put in the register.It can take up to one year for that register to get filled and ready to go to PAP, and since it was never in a register and an archive was not requested before this, they are just realizing this mistake now.
To further this problem the civil officer left the country yesterday for the States.Another civil officer cannot make a new paper (to go in the register), because a judgement was made about Issac's adoption decree that stated a specific civil officer responsible for this case, and once a decision is made by a judge, is is irreversible.This is a real problem, A. just got off the phone with (the attorney) to see if there was anything else that can be done, but to no avail, they said that nothing more could be done. A. said that we will have to wait for the officer to return and then wait for a new register to be ready. The officer left the country yesterday and will be gone for about three weeks, in the meantime A. said that he will try and get a new register ready so that when the officer returns he can put his stamp and signature on it and it can go to PAP.

I bet your thinking- wow what does all that mean?
Good question.
I bet your also thinking- how much more time will Isaac sit in Haiti at the orphanage?
Good question there too.

No answers. Just anger. I have never said that work F*CK so many times. I knew that MOI needed an archived adoption decree. I KNEW THAT. How the hell did my attorney not know that? How the hell did they not see it didn't have the archive attached to it when they got it almost a YEAR AGO? Why doesn't anyone seem to be running around screaming and yelling and pushing to get my son home? Why are we allowing his life to be wasted by complacency and an inept process? WHY WHY WHY?

Numb. Empty. Lost. Sad. Confused. Done.

And all the while as the day progressed....

Angeline is desperately trying to keep her balance and take steps without her walker. Yesterday she refused to use her walker most of the day which resulted in a half crawl half walk sort of movement all day long. She was so damn determined to get around without the walker I kept having to leave the room because its so hard to see her struggle so much.
I told her that I really liked her walker and I hoped she would use it and she said:
"I don't want my walker. I don't want to be the girl with the walker."

Knife.To.The.Heart.
Heavy.

OK

Clepson went home to Haiti over the weekend. Its been a really emotional week. There have been good things, bad things, tough things, hard things, moments that I wanted to crawl in bed and cry and just plain old normal life going on.
It was hard to see Clepson leave. I guess because my children really bonded with him and seeing how sad they felt was difficult. And because its just hard to say goodbye! I know that with hosting babies its hard to let them go for an entirely different reason. Even with Clepson talking about how excited he was to get back to Haiti I still sensed that he was sad to say goodbye to everyone here.

Before the van fire last week I was already feeling overwhelmed with paperwork and things to do. And then the fire happened and its been one insurance claim, document or phone call after another. We are fairly sure that the fire was caused by the work that we had done on the A/C unit in the van over the summer. The piece that caught fire was the same part we just had replaced. Lauren and I watched where the flames were coming from and so there is just a mess of stuff going on with regard to that.
I still have no clue what we are going to do about getting a new car. We are thankful for a rental car even if it only seats eight people but we know that this won't last forever. I am not looking forward to having a car payment again. I have been watching eBay for a good deal. I had someone suggest to me through the grapevine yesterday that they hoped someone would "donate another van to us".
I want to make it clear that although we have a large family we aren't getting any kind of donations for anything. Occasionally we have friends or family give us bags of clothes or items they don't need. Just as we pass on many things that we don't need- but we don't get donations of vehicles or anything like that! It made me laugh at first but then the more I thought about it the more it annoyed me off that people might assume we get things for free. We have to pay for everything and work for it just like everyone else. Even our adoptions- shocker I know!
There is a part of me that is feeling really numb about the whole incident just because I see how fast everything can be taken away from you. I really could envision myself on the side of the freeway and pulling Bean and Bear out of the back of the van and not being about to get them out of their car seats fast enough. Its a lot of climbing around to get to different seats in that van. I don't ever want to experience anything like that and its horrifying to think about.

Angeline started preschool yesterday. She had some tears yesterday and today but she is loving riding in the wheelchair on the bus. Especially on the bus lift... going up and down on that is almost like a carnival ride to her. (Not that she would truly know what a carnival ride was like- but you get the picture.)

We are working on making our garage into a playroom. Winters here in the Pacific Northwest are rainy and dreary. I have been feeling more and more that Angeline, Bear and eventually Isaac need a bigger place to play. The tiny bedroom playroom just isn't going to cut it. So its been quite the family project getting everything re-organized and put into a shed in the back yard and painting etc. When its done its going to be wonderful!

On a final note- I am finding myself getting more and more depressed and feeling hopeless at times about Isaac coming home. It is hard for me to admit that and to be real about it. I feel like we are so close some moments but then to think about THREE YEARS and how much life has gone on without Isaac being here is so hard to get over. I feel like I am constantly talking about this on my blog and in person with people but I can't get over it. I can't figure out how to pray it away- it haunts and me and robs me of sleep. I want my son home. We need him here. Its as if a part of my heart has been dying and is now lost forever without him. I know that's a bit dramatic but to think of the past three years from that moment we committed to him how much life we have lived and how much change has occurred kills me.

Please also pray for my Great Aunt Bo in Texas- we lost her beloved sister- my Great Aunt Patty on Sunday and I know the transition of life without her is going to be especially difficult for Bo. (These are my Aunts that Isaac and Angeline are named after "Patricia and Josephine" Isaac and Angeline have the middle names "Patrick and Josephine".)

I sure wish she could have met her namesake.

This is NOT GOOD

I am feeling a bit agitated right now.

Certainly unable to sleep or relax.

Today I went to help in Dominick's class.
Leishan had called and asked for a ride to work.

I told her "no"- I was going to be gone at the school.

I was going to walk to the school which is one mile

up the hill. But instead, because I was running late-

I drove there. I got there no problem and helped out.

I was so proud of Dom and how kind he was to his

classmates. I drove home- just one mile. At the end of

my street I smelled something funny and saw smoke

pouring through my vents. I made sure that the A/C

etc was all on OFF. I pulled in my driveway.

I came inside and told Lauren about the smoke.

(Who was home with Bear and Bean.)

I thought the car might be overheating?

She went out and popped the hood.

It was still smoking- by this time I was on

the phone with my husband. I told Lauren

to go and get Kendra- the neighbor across

the street. Kendra knows most everything-

so she would have an answer for me.

Lauren screamed for me.

I ran outside. We saw the blower encasement

it still had the sticker on it since it was so new.

Just weeks ago it was replaced.

We watched the plastic warp. We saw the sticker peeling back.

Lauren ran for the fire extinguisher at Kendra's...

or three of them- kendra is prepared.

I ran for the phone to call 911.

We knew it was on fire.

Even before we saw the flames.
Lauren managed to lose both shoes and her sweater

while running across the street. We were frantic.

Kendra had screamed to SHUT the hood
while I was on the phone to 911.
It was stuck- but I got it shut.
That extra layer of protection over the fire
saved my house.
Thank you Kendra...thank you for
knowing just what to do.

The firemen came fast but it felt like forever.

The dispatcher told me to get the kids out of the house.

I grabbed the babies and the dog- we ran to Kendra's.

And we waited... and watched it burn- and the other neighbors

came out- and the ground started on fire too.

The gas tank which is HUGE was half full.

We thought it might blow up.

The fire chief ran from the corner with a BIG

extinguisher. He man handled the flames and pushed

them back from the house while the "guys" got the hoses

hooked up. I watched him save my house.
I was so grateful because he had on NO protective gear.

All I kept thinking was how much I had worried about

what color to paint it... did that even matter? no.

They got the fire out.

They pushed the car in the road.

It's a total loss.

We are eternally grateful.

God was watching over us.

When do I ever go anywhere all alone?

NEVER. EVER.

Tomorrow morning I have a two hour drive

with Bean and Bear to doctors appointments.

If I had walked to the school- and not driven

until tomorrow- its possible- that this fire could

have been dismissed as overheating and

with the van on fire and two disabled babies

what would I have done?

Lessons Learned:

1. Don't park your car in your driveway if its smoking

2. Smoke means fire even when you think it doesn't

3. My neighbors are THE BEST anywhere EVER

4. Don't keep your valuables in the car

(including GPS, double jog stroller,

car repair paperwork

IPOD stuff etc.)
5. Full coverage doesn't always mean

everything is covered

6. Car repair shops are run by humans

car parts are made by humans there

can always be error even when you

get referrals and references

7. Thankful for new car seats and

a rental car within hours of the fire

8. Time moves so slowly sometimes

it unbelievable

Please keep us in your prayers.

We have a rental car that fits FIVE people and "gear"

(walker, stroller wheelchair etc.)

or EIGHT people and not much gear

We need to get the claims settled and buy something else.

Something we can all fit in.

Something that we can afford right now.

This van was PAID in full a LONG time ago.

We were blessed to get a great deal on it.

We took great care of it and truly needed it.

We will need something with a lift OR

that will be accessible for our children.

(in the long run)

Pray for wisdom on what to buy.

thoughts or advice?

WE WELCOME IT!

What a day.

Sheesh. :(

And I asked the firemen if they needed me to sign anything

they said no- "there's no charge, you pay your taxes."

and I thought... God Bless America!

My baby boy

This was the first picture I ever saw of my son.

This is Isaac's intake picture.

Let's review his adoption in numbers:

38 months in an orphanage

47 months of life

3 years of waiting for him to come home

6 months- what we hoped it would take

to get him home

2 times I have been to visit him

2 years since I have seen him

9 months his file has been in MOI

5 times we were told we would never make it out of IBESR

1 time we were told we were out when we were not

(miscommunication)

1 time we really did get out and nearly peed our pants

with excitement and glee

1 wardrobe from 6-12 months-size 4T waiting

and now partially being used by Baby Bear

countless tears shed on moments missed

countless weeks on the prayer list at church

endless prayers said

4 babies we have hosted from Haiti while waiting

1 plan that God has for Isaac's life

2 friends of Isaac's now home HERE locally

1 more friend leaving COTP this week

(then coming home to Seattle with her family)

YEAH!!

countless people who have loved you and cared for you and bowls of rice you have eaten and toys you have played with and milestones you have beaten and songs you have sung and moments we have missed and pictures we have gotten and teeth that have come in and sun that has shined down on you with nannies who adored you times you have lead the group and days you have followed all the things I can't wait to see here with me in your home with your family we will always wait for you- wait for the Lord who has a plan...

Dear Lord, Your timing is seldom my timing, but Your timing is always right for me. You are my Father, and You have a plan for my life that is grander than I can imagine. When I am impatient, remind me that You are never early or late. You are always on time, Lord, so let me trust in You . . . always. Amen

Every Child's Right

My dear friend and co-director of MAT is adopting!

I am so excited for her and her husband Keith as

are many people who know this couple. They

are AMAZING people and I just can't say enough great

things about them. TRULY AMAZING.

Salem and Keith are going to be wonderful parents.

They both have tons of experience working with

children and are hoping to raise the money to adopt

from Uganda in the near future. Salem and Keith have

started an adoption fundraiser that not only will

help them to be able to adopt- but it also allows

other families to raise funds for their adoptions too.

So please take a moment and check out

EVERY CHILD's RIGHT

They are selling great t-shirts that

are an excellent gift for anyone who

is passionate about children.

You can choose to buy a shirt, partner with

them to raise some funds for your adoption-

or even just donate money or say a prayer.

All of the above is welcome and appreciated.

So go on now... visit the LINK!

Blessings

Sarah

Quiet baby

I was trying to figure out why baby Bear was so quiet

the other day. He sat for a very long time at the

table- and didn't make a peep.

Now I know.

Now that I uploaded my pictures.

And Lauren took this picture.

Now I have my evidence.

See the picture below?

Grace is shoving cupcake into a baby mesh.

Then gave it to baby Bear.

Because Angeline had frosted those cupcakes-

there was A LOT of frosting on them.

GRACE

Good big sister? Yes!

Good babysitter?

Up for debate.

David- nice accomplice to the crime!

School-zies

I have come to realize and I am perfectly OK with admitting that I am NOT a tightrope walker. I don't have the balance to be able to take care of my relationship with God, myself, my marriage, maintain a relationship with four adult children, care for seven school age children and their needs, as well as two little ones with intensive medical needs, home school seven kids (five whom have special education needs), and keep some sort of friendships/social life, while helping run a non profit organization... not to mention cleaning house, keeping organized, paying bills, etc. etc. etc. Did I mention we are in a family transition with one child who is receiving therapy for intense needs?

I will never regret spending three years home schooling my children. But for us- for right now- it is so the right thing that my children are in public school. I feel as if I have a great relationship with my children. Especially those whom I home schooled. It offered us so much time together and so much time to get to really know one another. There were many things that I loved about it. But somewhere along the course of the last year- I lost the hop in my step and found myself just drowning in life. That is NOT the way that it should be.

I don't feel like I failed at all. I feel as if I was able to step outside of my situation and see the big picture. To see how much Lauren will need me to herself in these last years before REAL adulthood sets in. I regret NOT taking that time with my other older children who also needed me so much but I wasn't there for them in the way that I am going to be able to be there for Lauren. I also feel like the worry that I had for my children had been that they would forget their moral grounding and where their roots are. I don't worry about that anymore. They are so grounded in so many ways despite having moments where they seemed ultimately sucked into the mass peer pressure scene that exists in all their little lives. They know who they are and what part of life is most important to them.

SO with all that being said what had happened over the course of the past years of my life was certain things were thrown by the wayside in order to make time and energy for those things that needed to be taken care of in the moment. Never did I slip up on the childrens medical appointments, or dealing with children who were in crisis, or even being sure that they had their workbooks and school work done in a timely fashion. The things that I slipped up on was ME, my relationship with God, my relationship with my husband- and being able to ENJOY a social life. Lately I also admit I am not as on the ball with things with the Medical Advocacy Team as I used to be.

I am energized and excited about the possibilities. About time to just enjoy Baby Bear, to play tea party with Angeline, to listen to Lauren play guitar, to take the dog for a walk, to pray and read the bible, to finish books I have started, to catch up with friends I have thrown by the wayside, to have ample time for my son Isaac when he comes home. Wow. What a blessing to be able to access public school for my children.

Did I get them in Angeline's school where I wanted them to go?
No.

Was I able to get them into another elementary school so that I don't have to deal with the bad feelings I have for the closest elementary?
N0.

Sophie, Dominick and Lulu are in school exactly where I DID NOT WANT THEM TO BE.

and you know what?

It's all going to be OK. I don't know why- but somehow I do believe this is just the way that it should be for now. It feels right. I feels sad that they don't get to be together with Angeline- but it feels OK. They are all enjoying school and that is what is most important. Grace and Cole are loving junior high. Cole joined the soccer team at school. David of course feels that high school is just where he wants to be.
The only issue now is that going without them all day means that each evening is non stop talking and getting filled in on what happened during the day. I had worried about our relationships becoming one where they would come home from school and it would look something like this:

"How was school today?"

"It was OK."

"What did you learn?"

"Nothing."

And that is SO not the case.

So what have I learned through this process:
1. You can't always get what you want- even when you try.
2. Its ok to say "I can't do this" and "this is too much for me"
3. Its ok to take time to take care of yourself.
4. Balance is key
5. Doing whatever it takes to have peace in your life is a good thing :)

This past week was the first week of school and I have a cute Lulu story to tell.

Although Lulu is in the second grade- it was her first time at school this past week. I had spent many hours making sure that she had all the right school supplies and I labeled them all with her name just as the instructions told me to do. She was so proud to have her own things and she would go through her packed book bag many times before the first day of school. I watched my type A sense of order rubbing off on her as I saw her putting all her pencils in her purple pencil box.
When I went to take her to school, hers was the first of the three childrens elementary classrooms that we came to. I just wanted to have a moment with her teacher to be sure that he understood that this was "Alyssas" first day of school and that everyone calls her Lulu- so if he were to call her Alyssa- she might forget he is talking to her.
Then I rushed out the door to get Dominick to his class. I peeked back in at Lulu and she was smiling and just sitting in awe of her desk that had her name on it and a worksheet for her to complete.

That afternoon when she came home from school I asked her how her day was. She told me that it was fine but I saw that her book bag was really full. I thought that was strange for the first day of school to have such a full backpack but I was busy listening to all the stories everyone had to tell so I made a mental note to check book bags later on. At one point after dinner Lulu told me that she had cried at school. This is what she said:

"Mom I did cry at school today. My teacher came by my desk and while I was doing my math he saw that my pencil box was FULL of pencils. He told me that I didn't need so many pencils. Then he took them all and left me four of them. I started crying and felt terrible that he took my pencils. I went to him and told him to give them back because my Mom got those for me and those were MY pencils."

I said... "Oh no Lulu- I should have explained that sometimes teachers take some of your supplies and they keep them in a big box for all the children to use as they need them. I don't think that he put 36 pencils on the list because he expected you to have them all to use right this week."

She looked perplexed and disturbed at the thought of her very special pencils having to be shared amongst the entire classroom. She told me- "that's ok Mom- he gave them all back to me when I told him to."

I am proud that she can advocate for herself (big surprise there NOT). That day and every day since Lulu has brought home every single one of her things that I had sent to school with her on the first day.
I asked her why and she said:
"Because those are my things. If I leave them in my desk- someone might take them. My own teacher might take them."

She will certainly learn in due time that sharing her supplies is better than carrying a heavy backpack up and down the road twice a day.

I hope that your life is filled with peace and balance.

Surgery for Baby Bear

Lauren took this picture of Baby Bear and it was too cute to not post although its a little blurry.

Baby Bear is going to need surgery on his feet. We had thought it was just one foot- but the surgeons office called to schedule the surgery and said he plans to do both feet- so we will find out more at the pre-operative appointment we have.

His surgery will be at the end of this month. They must have had a cancellation because they never are able to get anyone in with this doctor that fast. I am thankful that after the weeks upon weeks of serial casting, bad skin, dermatology appointments, more casting, more and more and more casting- we are finally at the point of KNOWING that the casting is moving his feet but not moving the bones how they need to be moved. This will enable Bear to be able to wear AFO's (ankle foot orthotics) like Angeline's and he will then be able to keep his feet flat in his wheelchair or start standing and perhaps walking someday with a walker. (Praying for a miracle!)

After surgery he will be in the hospital at least one night. Then he will come home and keep casts on his legs for many weeks- I believe that with Angeline we had them changed after the first set of weeks and then had another set of many weeks more of casts on her legs. It was something to do with them actually putting a rod in and having it hold the bones in place etc.

(I will get all the details- don't even worry about that!) The surgeon basically scheduled his surgery just by going off his x-rays so I haven't actually had the chance to talk to him in person recently. grrr...

These are mainly posted for Ericka and Fabi (see http://www.ourfootballbaby.blogspot.com/) but I thought other people might be interested in seeing some stretches and exercises that are good for babies who are in need of PT. These are from the Texas folks who did such a great job with Baby Bear and its been so helpful having these hand outs. You should be able to click on them and see them full sized.

School and Stuff

And today off they went

To school so right

To work towards peace

To be the light

To read and write

And other things

Make some friends

Play on swings

I found the past weeks really tough

but realized God wanted life rough

to make my heart harder and strong

and prepare for me for life's new song

Of quieter days

more leisure

more balance

littles to hold

stories to be told

I invited over some woman friends

for a champagne toast

at 10 am

Amongst them was my sister dear

who rescued me from four children here

earlier this week I prayed for school

and it didn't matter where, they'd broke the rule

They had forgotten to be kind and sweet

and far too often my heart skipped a beat

because I wanted life with a bit more grace

and Lord knows a lot more space

Some mothers might have shed a tear

but in sending them I kept them near

here at home I wanted some far away

but that isn't how I felt today

After school there was a reunion here for all

we gathered and shared- we had a ball

New friends made and teachers joy

school is better than a brand new toy

Whether its education at home or public school

may we all be blessed with every tool

to ensure success for young and old

Public school- ahh-- I am feeling SOLD.

One last request before I sign off line

and stop this silly poem with rhyme

Please pray for ISAAC and for BEAR

Thanks and Blessings- I know you care.

Sophie and the cup Cakes

Sophie got a cupcake making kit.

She has asked about 10 times to use it.

I have been telling her NO.

*Due to lack of trust and motivation*

Well the other day I just OK FINE.

I let her do the whole thing

ALL BY HERSELF

from turning on the oven

to mixing the ingredients

getting them in and out of the oven

making the frosting

and decorating them

And guess what?

She did an awesome job.

She was FAR more patient

with the whole process than I would have been

And they turned out lovely

Great Job Sophie

Baking might be your thing girl!