Angeline Post Op

These are Bean's "new" eyes. This picture is five days post op and you can only imagine how red they were right after surgery!

The red part is where they actually cut through her eyeball to get down to the muscles. Now her eyes are lining up nicely and after we are done with the 10 days of eye meds, then we will start doing some eye exercises for her to bring her eyes inward. Doing them too early could break the dissolving tiny stitches that are put in her eyes.

Thanks everyone for your prayers. We are feeling the love!

I like...

I like that this week is coming to an end.

I like that my husband is home every night.

I like that super clean Saturday is almost over and my house is sparkling.

I like that I made a decision to keep my children at home for now.

I like the way that once I made the decision, my children were happy and accepting.

I like that I am planning on lots of outside help, so maybe I can have the best of both worlds!

I like that Angeline doesn't remember how upset she was after surgery on Monday. And I like how after she has eye medicine three times a day- all her siblings cheer for her despite her screams and tears.

I liked the way that my RAD child tucked her head and cried for her baby sister when she was crying blood soaked tears after her surgery on Monday. I liked that my awesome loving daughter showed her baby sister so much empathy. I cried for both of them.

I like that my almost 22 year old son still calls his 11 year old brother "Cole-Bear".

I like that my oldest daughter "Ganja Girl" might finally be truly aware of the mental health and drug issues she has and has agreed to go for help- even if it's hard to believe she will follow through this time, we have hope.

I like that all of my adult children have agreed to go to church with us tomorrow- even Leishan.

I like that my children are wanting to be involved in lots of activities this fall- AS LONG as it doesn't conflict with their church commitments. :)

I like the phone call from Leishan this morning (from the place she is getting some help from) asking me to please get her the information about going back to college.

I liked the way my three older boys helped clean and pack their sister's belongings from her apartment, I liked the way that they hugged her, and sat at the hospital all night with us waiting to find out where she was going from there... I liked the way that they have loved her, cared for her, and have been there for her this week... and I like the way that they are looking for a house to live within walking distance of our house- so she can now live- with them- and they will look out for her.

I liked the way my husband drove from work that night, covered and wet with mud from work all day, and came into the hospital and held his oldest daughter and cried with her- and told her- it was going to be OK- we are going to get through this.

I like the way Angeline tells this to her doctor's when they ask her questions: "I don't know anything!" and I like the way she throws her arms up when she says it.

And I love the way that Angeline tells her Daddy: "I like you so so bad!"

I like how my best friend- "the buddy" continues to call everyday- even though 75% of the time, I am too busy to talk on the phone and she has to read about my life on a blog! She never gives up on me. :)

I like that God chose us to parent "harder" children. Children that have loads of free will, free spirit and adventurous souls. I like that God gave us the strength to do this and not to falter in the middle of seeing one of them at her crossroads of life.

I like that we have been able to turn a hard week into something positive and I feel closer as a family more now than ever.

I like the way that my children pray for their brother to come home and how as a family we are praying about something SO heavy on our hearts right now.

I like you, I like that you read this blog, leave your comments, and I like how you support our family more than you likely even know with your prayers. :)

BE BLESSED.

Love,

Sarah

Missing our boy

I read this poem on another blog this morning and the blog owner (who wrote it) was kind enough to let me post it here.

When Robert and I are asked: "So after this adoption, are you going to be done?" It's feelings like this poem, that make us reflect upon our lives, upon where the Lord is leading us, and to answer: "we don't know right now, and possibly, may never know."

And it's definitely hard not to think about the past YEARS waiting for our son to come home- and to wonder when he is coming home and to think that we may possibly do this again someday... it would be the easier emotionally, financially, spiritually... answer to say- YES of course we are done! We are finished, we will never do this again! God has another plan for us! We know what that is!

But in all honesty- We don't know. We are praying about it. We are hoping for an answer soon. We are clear, and do know that- we desperately want to bring our little boy home!

We can hardly wait to have Isaac home. I know that we are slightly biased, but come on now- his smile could just melt any angry heart! (And Elijah- my friend Kim's Bubba Boy- is just adorable too, don't you think?)

Here is a link to the awesome blog I found the poem:

http://urbanservant.blogspot.com/2007/10/pondering-reasons-we-dont-adopt.html

And onto the poem:

"I understand that you couldn't make room -

that there wasn't a place,

I was not of your womb.

That my age was all wrong,

and my history belonged,

to a place and a people you know have all gone.

I see in your eyes that my life was a chore,

that my needs were too big,

my emotions to raw.

That you were afraid

I might never leave home,

or I might find anger and by failure be known.

That my heart was too broken
my mind was too slow,
That the drugs in my system
defined me, you know.

And maybe, just maybe,
I wouldn't love you -
for my mind was too battered
too deep were the wounds.

But I wish you had tried,
I wish you had found room,
For this one tiny boy who so achingly stood
and looked in the windows and watched
as you prayed, and asked the Lord Jesus
to move you each day.

To bring out the family
that He had prepared
but none came forward
as I stood lonely there.

I understand - that man would say
my childhood has slipped away.
I have a father, this is true,
I know the same strong God as you.
But I wish that I had, had a mom,
a brother, a sister, a dog, some lawn.

That you had tried to reach me there
not left me to my own despair.
To people who were paid to feed,
and paid to wash and paid to read.

To those who didn't stay too long
and those who chose to teach me wrong.
I wish, I wish that you had found a way
to wedge me in and let me stay."

Seriously cute

Here are adorable pictures of my three younger girls: Sophia, Lulu and Angeline.

They are all dressed up and ready for a pottery painting birthday party. Ok so they were a little over dressed- but still, girls should wear dresses to parties right?

They had a fab. time. :)

Painting

(You should be able to click on the images and see them larger if you so desire!) So Jeremy and Tyler are getting really tired of me monopolizing all their free time. (Which for Tyler is very little time- since he does work full time and starts college on top of that in a couple weeks.)

Since I had some 40% off coupons for Michaels we bought two really large canvases, one for the boys, one for the girls. (For their bedrooms.) I did the girls, and left the boys in charge of their painting. We talked an decided on a super hero theme for their room.




Jeremy and Tyler first drew up sketches on paper. Then did the drawing on the canvas in pencil. Jeremy went through with a Sharpie and went over the lines.




Then the painting could start... very carefully. Lauren, Tyler, David and Jeremy started painting!




Here it is almost finished, it just needs the background done.




Putting the background in with paint on a sponge...

The finished product. Do you recognize those boys?
From L to R the superhero's are:
Dominick (he wanted a BIG afro),David (a lady's man superhero), Tyler (along with his guitar), Jeremy (leading the pack), Danny (note the large golden arched M on his head where he works, lol), Cole (looking very mean for a cole-bear) and Isaac (with his dreadlocs and six pack!)

I love it!

Eye surgery Monday

Bean has eye surgery on both her eyes on Monday. I am very worried about this surgery. Maybe even more than the other surgeries. Perhaps that has something to do with the doctor spending an hour today showing me photographs of the surgery and telling me all the potential horrors that may happen. While I realize that they HAVE to tell you these things, they could throw in some low percentages to make you at least "feel like" it may not happen to your child.

She seems to be a very good doctor but lacks bigtime in the communication department. I think she goes on the assumption that most everyone went to medical school and knows at least the muscles of the eye and the way the "visual field" works.

At any rate- I am off to bed- more updates coming tomorrow! I have many things to share about our last 24 hours- I just wanted to be sure to put out a prayer request for my little Bean. (Who cried buckets when she was told by the nurse... "you won't be able to touch your eyes Angeline!"

Bean replied:

"Momma- I like you. I can't touch my eye?"

I told her no, you won't be able to touch your eyes.

She cried her little eyes out and broke my heart!!

Thanks for praying. :)

Panic

Today's picture is of a friend's little princess who I was honored to make into a woodland fairy. :)

I think that I remember when most of my children were this little so clearly and it truly seems like yesterday. I think about how fast time seems to fly when you are raising children, and I tend to think about this "time" being gone ALL of the time lately.

Today I had the paperwork filled out to turn in the request for the children to attend the new Elementary school. My sister and husband both looked over the letter that I wrote, because I know that I am asking for a big favor here (for them to not go to the school that they should according to the district map, but to a different school... especially given that its not just ONE child I am requesting this favor for...) So as I passed off the paperwork to my husband, I had this huge sense of feeling lost in this decision. What am I thinking? (And- gulp- I grabbed the paperwork out of his hand before he left to turn it in- I left him with the comment- that I WILL figure this out... tomorrow.)

What are my motives for wanting the children to be home schooled?

Is it because I want them to have strong morals and ethics and to learn about God at home. Or because I am afraid of the "bad" things that they might learn at school? I know that a lot of homeschooling parents HS for religious reasons. But that's not us, of course its a bonus to us... but we feel that we can raise children with strong morals, ethics and a strong sense of God in their lives without keeping them home full time. (Sorry if I offend anyone in this post by the way- I know that HS/Public school is a big issue of debate for many people.)

Is it because sometimes its actually easier logistically to have everyone learning at home? Well yes, and no at the same time. While having all the kids home does free up the days for lots of fun adventures and doctors appointments without concern for having to be at the school at a specific time to pick up or drop off children- it is also keeping 8 children home full time- and that's not always an "easy" thing to do. Plus there is a lot of planning for their lessons and completing paperwork to show what they have learned from year to year.

Is it because I am a selfish Momma Bear and I want my little cubs near me all the time? Umm... could be. I do want to shelter them from the outside world and keep them safe at all times... but am I doing them a disservice by not allowing them to learn how to advocate for themselves? Certainly having those skills is imperative in life. I DO enjoy for the most part having all the extra time with my children. I have ample time when they are home schooling to spend good quality time with everyone, everyday.

Is it because I truly think that they will get a better education at home? This could be a big factor. But how do I know this for sure? And in all honesty I have seen about the same amount of "intelligence" progression in my children when they were in public and home schooled. I have seen a greater degree of confidence in themselves and what they are capable of education wise. And while people would disagree with me on this one- those of you who know my kids in person- they have become slightly socially shy in new situations which is something I hadn't noticed before they were home schooled.

So then I think about my motive for wanting them to go back to school:

Perhaps because I am selfish... and I want to have some ME time. Time to clean my house without doing 10 things at one time. Time to exercise, time to breathe, shower, and read a book.

I know its because I want to have more time with Angeline and of course ample time for Isaac when he comes home and is going to need his Momma "just for him" to catch up on the past three years of his orphanage days. I want to be able to take Angeline and Isaac to preschool story time at the library and for them to attend playgroups. These are the things that I was able to do with my other children when they were preschoolers and the "big kids" were in school all day. I want to be able to have the energy to make them "special lunches" and read lots of books before afternoon nap time and I have missed out on that since home schooling. These things that were daily gifts to my older children, have become true special treats for Angeline. (I hate to admit it- but its a sad fact.)

I also want my children to have what they feel they want/need. Which is going back to public school. But I do worry that they will change their minds once school starts and they see how mundane it can be. (For the work that they did at home comparable to a full school day took about three hours for most of the kids per day. Then another 2-3 was "fun" classes at home, such as cooking, PE, or going to the theatre etc.)

My children love their little social lives. I know that this doesn't seem like an important thing, but as I have reconnected with friends from my school days on Facebook I realize how truly blessed I was with awesome friends and experiences. I love that I have many of them still close in my life today. I feel as if I have this whole network of "love" that I can lean on- I want my children to have those experiences too.

We have been praying about this decision for weeks now and when I think that I have a clear answer, something stands in my way each and every time. I could really use YOUR wisdom, insight and experience. Why do you educate your children as you do? What do you find ideal? How can I have it all and make it work?

Please take a moment and leave me your comments!

Thanks!
Sarah

An amazing week in review:

This has been a busy and fulfilling week, and even busier and more fulfilling weekend.

In the past few days the following events have taken place:

1. Jeremy- our oldest son called us- from the corner of our street. He had taken the bus from Phx. to WA state and after getting off the bus, hitch hiked the last 20 miles to get here- so that he could surprise us all. His siblings ran (with me) down the road to greet him. (Pictures of Jeremy... older photos but still adored.)

2. Since Jeremy arrived he has done dishes at least 20 times. :) (Without being asked! See what happens when your kids move out?) He has also pulled carpeting from a 20x25 (approx.) bedroom that the older girls share. Orchestrating a team of "siblings" to scrape glued carpet padding, same team then primed RED walls white... the next morning he helped Tyler and I paint the whole room, and then helped his Dad, Tyler, and David put new "wood" flooring in the room. (All this in 48 hours... pictures coming soon. I can't believe the difference!)

3. I have enjoyed many moments sharing tales of the past many months that Jeremy has missed out on. He has also shared many tales that I missed from his adventures... some I enjoyed hearing, others caused me to cringe and say mean "Parent-like" things to him. (Out of Love of course!)

4. After much encouragement from my sister and the "Buddy" (best friend for 21 years): we (Lauren and I) practiced the Ferber Method on Minky Lena. After two nights of no sleep and serious mental confusion- it worked. She now sleeps the whole night through and it leaves me wondering why I didn't try this 13 children (and then some) ago? There is silent sleeping bliss going on at my house! Whoohoo!!

5. Enjoyed going to what we feel is our new church home today. (After years of encouragement from our good family friends- who were so right about knowing you are "home" when you go there!) Our children had participated with our family friends at church activities at this church over the years. The kids always said this is where we SHOULD be going- we weren't convinced- they were SO right. (Note to self: Sometimes the kids do know best!)

6. My husband quit his job.

He had a new job offer Friday morning and after work Friday evening went back to the rental house and packed up his things to come home. We had planned to give two weeks notice but because of the crazy schedule here at home over the next two weeks (Bean's eye surgery, and MANY trips out of town for appointments)- we agreed that the marriage between the two of us was more vital than any "two weeks notice". :) After church today we talked and prayed about this decision and he called his boss and was just honest with him about how difficult on his family it is for him to be gone from home so much- guess what? They understood. No hard feelings. Phew.

(He starts his new job- with a former employer- Tuesday. It's a very small company- about 1/16th the size of the place he worked. No retirement. But very family friendly- and can guarantee work "in town" for awhile!)

7. Made peace with my oldest daughter who I have been very upset with over the past couple weeks. Long story- let's just say her new nickname is "ganja girl"- I am sure you can come up with some big thoughts on that one!

8. I attended a lovely baby shower last night where I spend ample time with women friends and laughed several times so hard I cried. I also had to offer parenting advice that suggested the real parenting doesn't even get truly difficult until your children are adults and you have to figure out how to parent them, let them grow their wings, keep them safe and encourage Independence all at the same time. I am still trying to figure it all out... baby steps.

9. Had a heart to heart with each one of my children about their thoughts about school- public and home school... and realized that "most" of them truly desire to go back to public school. We are meeting "half way". If the new elementary in our district has room, and will accept ALL of my children (from preschool to grade 6) then my children are going back to public school this fall. If they don't have the space for them all- then we will home school until January and try again... Angeline is supposed to start developmental preschool in February- it's my goal that all of my children will be in the same place for their education. God will lead us where that is to be we are confident.

10. I watched "Into the Wild" twice. Once with Jeremy- and once with Tyler and both times Lulu piped in during the first five minutes and said "Oh yes, I saw this- it's TRUE- he eats poisonous plants at the end and dies."

Although I was glad to watch this movie (already saw it with Leishan) but then with Jeremy (who nearly is living this story line in his personal life) and Tyler- I was shocked to hear that at some point Lulu had watched it! (And shocked that she ruined the ending twice in one day!)

11. We saw the most endearing Bean moment: Last night Lulu spent the night at her cousins and she shares a room with Bean. So typically if Angeline wakes in the morning, Lulu and Bean come together to our bed for some morning snuggles... but since Lulu wasn't home- and Bean was in the room by herself- sometime during the night she must have woken up, dragged her special blanket into the hallway, laid it out, and fell asleep on it- right outside our bedroom door. :(

She looked so peaceful and tired and it was such a big girl moment of all that Independence that she has. But it was also so sad to wonder how long she had spent sleeping out there!

12. Had a major God moment with my children and dear neighbor friend one night this week. The evening started with Lauren, Tyler and I talked about getting a tattoo to remember Ella by. She is still a daily topic of conversation in our home and is never far from our hearts. Because there is this special "star" toy on the exersaucer that was her absolute favorite toy- we decided that a star would be the best thing. Tyler started drawing some sketches and Lauren looked for pictures of star tattoos online. I had to run some late night errands (take Leishan home) and when we got back we saw our neighbor K. out walking around with her unsleepy toddler Princess P. We stood outside chatting for awhile and then started seeing shooting stars over and over. So big and bright they were like none that we had seen before, they left huge bright marks in the sky as they "fell". :) Then we remembered just having the conversation about Ella's star. So far we have between family and friends: 8 people going soon for tattoos of Ella's star. (and no, I am not a big fan of tattoo's- but this just feels like something we all want to do together.) Want to join us? :)

13. Felt an overwhelming sense of peace and calmness in my heart and spirit. We are preparing for Isaac to come home and getting our house all in order so there is nothing left to do but enjoy having our family all together once he arrives home. Everything just feels AS IT SHOULD be...

How was your week? Leave me a comment and let me know!

Love and Blessings for a great week THIS week.

Sarah

P.S. It appears that Blogger and You tube have finally cooperated with my requests from last week. Sorry about the multiple identical posts!

Angeline's First Steps

Miracles happen at our home daily. :)

Sale!!

I know this great gal Amy who is a WAHM and she makes fabulous things! Here is an adorable charm that I bought for my friend Kim (as you can see that's her little boy Elijah who is waiting in Haiti.) They are front and back and being sold for a great price. PLUS right now she is having a sale! This charm is the smaller version, but she has a larger one as well. I have one with Isaac's picture on it and I wear it all the time. (Plus they make great gifts if you know someone waiting for their child to come home, its a good way to keep the child close to your heart at all times.) :)

Here is Amy's email:

Etsy Store SALE!! 1 week only!
Mama needs a new pair of shoes! Actually, mama is *wishing* for a new Shootsac Camera bag. Sooooo, in order to do that, I need to SELL, SELL, SELL!!I am offering 10% off ALL ITEMS in my Etsy shop on your entire purchase until next Saturday, August 16, 2008. Purchase 3 or more items and I will also ship for FREE!! This sale is good across the board meaning anything in my store from now until August 16 (even newly listed stuff as well as custom straps).Upon checkout, please put "GREAT SALE AMY" and I will send you an adjusted invoice. :) Christmas is just around the corner (how crazy is that??) so this would be a great time to pick up some stocking stuffers and gifts. And with school starting as well, I have lots of goodies that would make great teacher gifts. So please get to shopping! :)

Another great idea for my camera straps is that they can be used on laptop bags and camera bags as well. Add a little style and comfort to your bags as well! Shoot on the go in style with a whole matching set!! PLEASE feel free to pass on the sale. Don't forget about referral points! Just make sure that whoever you refer tells me you referred them! :) You can earn free stuff on top of already discounted stuff.Here is the link to my shop!

http://www.priddycreations.etsy.com

Thanks for looking and happy shopping!

Amy

Life makes me tired

So this week in stark contrast to the past two weeks, my husband is working out of town, and is out of town the whole week working- including today. I was not cut out for single parenthood-and my husband gone for six days in a row is just too much. He has some options he needs to think about like:

1. A new job

2. Not going out of town (which may limit the hours he works to nil)

3. Taking the kids with him when he

goes out of town

4. Giving the thumbs up for me to have a 2nd husband- just one who can lay flooring (that's been sitting in the garage all week), repair things, take the recycling to the dump, and perhaps take the kids to activities a couple evenings a week. :)

So since options 2, 3 and 4 are no really options, he needs number 1.

Praying about that. We know the right thing will happen for our family in due time. And yes, I am SO thankful he is getting all these hours at work. I don't want for one second to take that for granted! :)

The main reason for my tiredness (other than my liver) is my lovely children. Angeline has gotten to be so so silly these days as you can see from the pictures. She has always been Miss Personality, but she is truly keeping me on my toes. This morning I woke up to her yelling through the gate at the tops of the steps (she can get in and out of her bed on her own)- she was yelling for Dominick:

"Dom, Dom- get your anus butt up here."

Then she would laugh hysterically this huge belly laugh like she knew what she was saying would elicit a huge reaction from her brother once he got out of bed. This toddler is a total trip. I couldn't love her anymore. But it is way more fun to sit and play with Angeline and hear her silly antics than to do most anything around the house. And often times when she doesn't get her way she yells or screams at the top of her lungs- which causes all her brothers and sisters to offer her an array of fun toys and snacks. I keep telling them-

"Hey guys, if we jump every time that she screams and give her everything she wants and more- she is not going to be so cute in a two years. Everyone will just think she is bratty!"

They are trying very hard to not give into Bean's every whim, but she does rule the roost.

Here is a recent conversation I overheard Grace having with Angeline:

Grace asks Bean why she is so "mean" to her. (Every time Grace talks to Bean she yells- aarrrgh!!!)

Bean replies: "I am not mean- I am just grouchy."

Grace says: "Your grouchy to me ALL the time Bean, why is that?"

Bean responds: "Because I don't know. I slept all night again last night. And I don't care Grace!"

Do you see what I am dealing with here?

Bean also likes to have her clothes off as much as possible and then she tells everyone that she is "rudey-nudey"

She is too much. Too cute. Too ornery. Too silly. She needs her brother Isaac to come home to help entertain her. They are going to be a handful together. They both think that they are in charge. It will be very interesting. :)

And then let's just talk for a moment about Minky Lena. This child DOES NOT sleep at night. Last night she got up seven times. I was very good about sitting on the edge of my bed and offering her various things (she is in her bed in our room) throughout the night but she is nearly 13 lbs now, eats a ton all day long, and truly doesn't need to wake up SEVEN times a night to graze her on bottle. So I am going to be tough and strong and not give in. I will feed her one time and then offer her a pacifier to see if she can learn some self soothing techniques. And might I add that when she wakes at night, it isn't a cry, or a little whine, its a blood curdling scream she has... it makes me jump 10 feet in the air. Minky Lena has taken lessons from Bean and thinks that she rules the roost. :)

Thus she naps anywhere and everywhere during the day because she is so tired. So from now on its two naps a day for Minky- that is it!
She is really cute though huh?

I better clean something, its "super clean" day and I not setting a good example.

Have a wonderful weekend!

Sarah

P.S. Are you watching the Olympics? Did you see the opening ceremony? If not, find it online! It was AMAZING and very educational for the kids! :) My kids waited and waited for HAITI then said- "Do you know anyone Mom?" I pointed out that the population is 8.9 mil. and no- I didn't personally know any of the Haitian olympians. There are some interesting stories told during the opening ceremonies- like how the United Arab Emerites is allowing the first women from their country to compete- but its the Prime Minister's two daughters- what a coincidence. I loved that story because it goes to show the "power to convince" that daughters have on their dads- despite the cultural lines. I do however wonder what his daughters are competing in- very interesting to say the least.

Hold up

Here is our silly boy Isaac. There has been a slight hold up with our file before it can get "legalized" and sent to MOI (or whatever number of small steps those two steps entail)...

We need a new birth certificate, or death certificate, there was some kind of error on one of those. Sometimes getting paperwork goes fast, sometimes getting things corrected takes a long time. Like the Livesay's say: TIH.

(This Is Haiti.)

Please continue to pray. Isaac's Mom and Dad have no patience left, we are relying heavily on the power of prayer to get us through these last steps. We desperately don't want any hold ups, we don't want to be without our son for a third birthday and a third Christmas...

Thanks :)

Angeline's First Steps :)

I have been trying for several days to get this little video uploaded from you tube to the blog, and it's not cooperating. Please follow this link to You Tube to watch Bean taking her first steps:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yRmz_vMSFwk

Another reminder from up above that miracles happen everyday. :)

Yeah Bean!!!

Liver Update

The ultrasound went well... I think! We don't have the official results back but the US tech thought that despite my liver looked enlarged, it was not "fatty" at all and my gall bladder looked good. There was nothing that she saw that would have alarmed her. So that's the right kind of news!
For the most part, I am fever free. I am still pretty tired and not able to do much- but I am definitely trying to take it as easy as possible! My family has been great and very helpful making sure that I get enough rest.
They had done a Mono test last week because they thought my spleen was enlarged as well. It was negative, which was surprising because I really thought this was Mono. I am starting to think that we may never know why my enzymes are high in my liver and we might need to just keep watch on them and hope that my liver heals ok.

Thanks for the prayers and comments everyone! I feel loved! :)
Blessings,
Sarah